Just a Phase
by S. E. Bode
Summary: Mediator Book 8 and sequel to Forgotten Dagger. Jesse's POV. Suze is finally out of high school and attending Community College with Jesse. But then something comes up and Jesse has to leave for a while. Will things be different when he comes back?
1. Summary

**AN: **Sorry, but I had to stop The Wrong Twilight, because I had the worst writers block on it! It was horrible; I couldn't write anything for like two weeks. So I finally just gave up on it, and decided on a sequel to The Forgotten Dagger, since some people thought it would be a good idea.

Please tell me what you think, 'cause if it is shit, then I'll scrap it and think of something else.

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**Mediator Book 8**: Just a Phase

**Sequel** to Mediator Book 7: The Forgotten Dagger

Jesse's POV (I thought this would be a nice change from Suze—not that we don't love her to death—but frankly, I've been wanting to write some more stuff in Jesse's POV…) 

**Premise**: Suze is finally a high school graduate and is now attending the Carmel Community College for a year or two, until Jesse gets into a Med school. But a great opportunity comes up for Jesse, and he has to leave on a quick trip on Marc Baumann's behalf, and when he comes back, Suze is a changed woman.

What happened while Jesse was gone? Are they really _finished_? Or is this _just a phase_?

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**AN**: What do you guys think?


	2. The Dreams

AN: Hope you guys like it! I'm kinda nervous about writing this whole thing in Jesse's point of view…but I think that it'll be more interesting in his POV…so alas, I must do it!

Enjoy.

PS-And thank you to all of the people that have reviewed my Summary, your input keeps me going! Oh, and you guys don't have to worry about Suze getting mad at Jesse, because that's not going to happen... : P

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Chapter One

"Jesse," Susannah whined to me over the cell phone while I was running out to my car from my apartment.

"_Querida_, I told you, I'll be there in a minute. I woke up late." I say for the third time to her. I hear her sigh and I can practically see her rolling her eyes.

"Well hurry," she says anxiously.

"I will," I hang up the phone and throw all my stuff into the backseat of my old car. The same car that used to be Father Dominic's. He left everything to me in his will—all of his possessions, his car, and even all of the money in his savings account, which was quiet a hefty sum.

I speed up; Susannah was going to kill me if she was late to her Western Civ class. She had already been late a couple of times because of me (cough, cough) and I didn't want for it to happen again. Turning into Susannah's driveway, I look for her standing on the front porch, with her books hugged tightly to her chest.

She smiles at me and I fall in love with her all over again. Bounding down the steps and over to my car, I watch her and smile at her through my windshield. She throws open the passenger car and chucks her stuff in the backseat. Before Susannah buckles up, she leans over and plants a mouth-watering kiss on my lips. When she withdrawals I shiver.

"What's the matter?" She asks me while buckling up. I put the car into reverse and begin to back out of her driveway. Once on the road in drive, I glance over at _mi querida_ to see her looking at me expectantly.

"Well?" She prods.

"What?" I ask her while placing both of my hands on the steering wheel.

"What's wrong, Jesse? It's written all over your face." She pauses to let me answer, and when I don't she assures me, "Jesse, it's me, you can tell me anything."

I am silent while I park the car in a space in the back of the lot of Carmel Community College. Susannah is about to say my name again, when I turn towards her and smile sadly.

"I had another dream."

"Oh," she says, her voice sympathetic. "Was it the same, or was this one different?"

"It was different…and well it's making me very nervous, because it's inappropriate visions." I pause, not wanting to tell her anymore, because it would just make her lose faith in my loyalty to her.

After a moment, Susannah whispers my name. I look at her and she takes my hand in hers.

"Susannah, you know I would never dream about anyone except you, right?" She nods with a confused look on her beautiful face. I feel guilty all of a sudden. More than I did before. "Well, I had this dream last night, and it was about—"

Suddenly my cell phone begins to ring, but I ignore it, willing the person to just go away. The shrill ringing dies and I look at Susannah who is still clutching my hand. Then my cell phone rings again and I sigh loudly to make sure that _mi querida_ knows I do not want to answer it. I pull it out of my pocket and stare down at the screen. It's Marc Baumann the Medical Science teacher at the Mission. He was a close friend to Father Dominic, and he's also a mediator.

"Well? Aren't you gonna answer it?" Susannah asks while pulling her hand away from mine with hurt in her eyes. I put the phone up to my ear and click the answer button.

"Hello?" I say, while I watch as Susannah retrieves her books from the backseat.

"Jesse!" Marc booms in his English accent.

"Marc, how are you?" I ask and look at Susannah, whose interest has sparked.

"Fine, fine, mate. But I have a proposition for you, Jesse."

"Oh, well, I'm about to go into a class, may I call you about it so we can talk?" Susannah's interest fades and she gives me a small smile while shutting the door and walking off to her class.

"Of course, of course!" Marc says and then bids me goodbye. I shove my phone back into my pocket and grab my stuff from the back. I rush around the car and frantically search for Susannah's back. No one is in sight, and I sigh while hitting myself on my forehead.

"Why didn't I just spit it out?" I ask myself while running off to my Anatomy class.

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Coming out of my Anatomy class I call Susannah to see where she is. She doesn't answer my call, and I briefly wonder if she's screening it. But then I remember that she had Freshman English right after Western Civ and slap myself mentally for thinking so badly about _mi querida_.

I walk over to the quad with my books under my arm and my cell phone flipping through my fingers. Thinking about my recently odd dreams, I plop down on the grass under the giant oak tree.

They were so realistic, but I swear I wasn't doing them. I wasn't out doing other, inappropriate, things with other woman. No! I love Susannah more than anyone on earth, so why would I be out gallivanting with other woman. I had taken physiology last semester and had referred back to my textbook many times, but had failed to find anything that would explain my situation.

This wasn't the first dream of me and another woman, but I hadn't been able to tell Susannah about those yet. The others I could tell her about, since they were still bizarre, but not totally inapt. I shook my head and let it fall into my hands. I pulled my knees up to my chest, and rested my elbows on top of them. Sighing loudly my thoughts buzzed more.

The other ones had just been random: walking through what looked like what Susannah described as Shadowland, going through boring classes, and surfing the Internet on shifting. But I asked myself, why I would dream up of these things, when I couldn't do any of them. I enjoyed all of my classes, and I wasn't a shifter, so I wouldn't be able to even go to Shadowland. I shook my head and checked my cell phone for the time. It had only been about five minutes, but it felt like it had been an hour.

Abruptly a hand came down on my shoulder, and I jump up onto my feet in surprise. It isonly a ghost. She is a teenager and very pretty, in a snobby, Kelly Prescott way. I can tell right off the bat that she was a part of the in-crowd.

I glance around the quad to make sure it was empty before talking to her.

"Hello," I say and the girl looks at me funnily.

"You're Spanish?" She asks with her eyebrows cocked inward.

"Yes," I answer hesitantly.

"You're not a Mexican, are you?" She asks while folding her arms over her chest.

"No."

She visibly relaxes and then unfolds her arms. "Oh, good." I look at her questioningly. "Oh, it's just, well they look at me in the supermarket weird, and they make me uncomfortable."

"Oh," I say while shaking my head at her. "So what do you need?"

"What do you think?" She huffs while flipping her blonde hair back.

"Oh yes, sorry," I say. "So how long have you been a, um, ghost?"

"Uh," she says while chewing her gum, "I dunno, maybe a couple of days."

"Okay." I sit down and she follows suit while tucking her legs underneath her making sure her extremely short skirt doesn't reveal anything. "Do you remember how you died?"

"No," she chews.

"Okay."

"You're not much help," she states while putting her hands on her hips.

"Well, you don't have much I can work with," I say while pulling a hand through my hair.

She peers at me for a minute in silence, and then opens her mouth, "You know, you're really hot." She flashes me a smile and I thank her.

"You wanna go get something to eat sometime?" She asks while scooting closer to me.

"I'm flattered…" I begin but then realize I don't even know her name. So I ask her.

"Oh," she says while blushing and pulling away from me. The girl refuses to make eye contact with me and I am just about to ask her if she's okay, when she says, "See you later," and dematerializes.

I stare at the spot under the oak where she had just been sitting, my eyes wide. Then, after a moment, I here someone call my name from across the quad.

"Yo! Jesse!" Kirk yells while running up to me. Kirk is one of my best friends from the college; he's very much like Adam, CeeCee's boyfriend. When he comes closer, he says with a laugh, "You look like you've just seen a ghost! You ah'ight?"

I nod my head and laugh at him. "I'm fine. You?"

"Oh my God! My art history professor didn't come in today, so he sent in one of his grad students in, and holy crap is she hot, with a capital H."

"Really?" I asked interested in anything that will keep my thoughts preoccupied for the meantime.

"Oh man, I mean, she's no Suze, but pwew!" I laugh at him again and pull out my cell to check it. Kirk rants on about the grad student. I half listen to him, my thoughts taking over once again.

Suddenly Kirk's rambling stops and my focus snaps back to him. He's looking at me with a funny look on his face.

"What's wrong?" I ask him while secretly checking his pupils.

Kirk shakes his head and then comments; "I just felt a cold spot for a minute."

"Oh," I respond while looking around me for a ghost, but don't find one.

Kirk goes back to talking about random stuff while I zone out waiting for Susannah to come out from her classes for the day.

Finally I feel my phone vibrate in my hand and I whip it up to my ear. Kirk laughs, and then says, "Man, I didn't know I was that boring," while I answer Susannah's call.

"Hi," I say into the phone.

"Where are you?" Susannah asks in a whisper.

"I'm in the quad with Kirk."

"Oh, well can we meet in the car?"

"Of course," I say instantly and hang up the phone. While gathering up my stuff, I explain to Kirk and tell him, "I'll see you later." With a wave I'm off to my car, and once I'm out of Kirk's view, I flat out run to my car.

When my car is in my view I see Susannah leaning up against it while she fingers a piece of her chestnut hair. She spots me running towards her and a smile appears on her face. I smile back and run right up to her.

"Hi," I say a little breathless.

"Hey," Susannah says and pecks my cheek. Then she begins to walk around the car, but before she can go far, I grab her upper arm and pull her back to me.

She looks at me surprised and then I pull her into me for a kiss. Her soft lips land on mine and I hear a sigh escape from her. My arms warp themselves around Susannah's soft curves, while hers go around my neck pulling me closer to her.

From the other side of the row, a guy yells, "Go man!" and a bunch of his buddies laugh. I pull away with a blush on my face.

"We should go," I say and Susannah nods her head swiftly.

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I open the door for _mi querida_ and grab her things out of her hands. She gets out of the car and walks up to my apartment. I walk behind her watching her while getting out my keys. She stops at my door and looks at me with those emerald eyes I so dearly love. I fumble with my keys and drop them accidentally.

It's amazing how nervous she still makes me just by looking at me. Susannah giggles softly while I bend down to pick them up and then with shaking hands I open the door as quickly as I can.

I pull Susannah into my apartment and drop our things on the table in the hall. Wrapping my arms around her waist I pull her closer to me while slamming the door shut with my foot.

She laughs softly into my neck, which tickles me a little. I pull Susannah into my living room and we fall onto my couch with a thump. Without wasting anymore time, I hug Susannah closer to me and kiss her before she can protest about having to do homework.

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AN: Hey guys! Tell me what you think—the good and the bad!


	3. The Problem with Getting Intimate

AN: I think a "Thank you" to all of my reviewers is in order. So thank you to everyone who is supporting my story right off the bat!

Now, I know there are a lot of questions about some things (e.g. the ghost girl, the woman in Jesse's dreams, etc. etc.), but you must read, for then will you find the answers! And I realize that the first chapter might have been a little vague…but I'm going to bring up an important feeling for Suze in this one…and that proposal of Marc's!

Hope you enjoy this chapter; I tried to get it to you as quickly as I could! My life has been pretty hectic lately: Science Olympiad Mock competition is tomorrow, Quiz Bowl competition this weekend, homework…Gosh!

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Chapter Two

I have Susannah molded to me, her lips are all mine. I cherish the feeling of her curves under my fingertips, the taste of her lips, the smell of her hair. Everything about her is pleasing my senses. I am in heaven. _Mi Querida_ does seem to be enjoying herself as well; she is moaning while I let my tongue meander around her mouth. I enjoy making her feel such passion.

Suddenly, Susannah pushes herself up off of me, and our wonderful kiss abruptly stops. I want to pout, but the look on Susannah's face, makes me stop and ask, "_Querida_, what's wrong?"

Susannah, slips off of me and sits down on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. "Jesse, I though you were going to tell me about your dream, but instead I feel as if you are trying to avoid the subject with all this making out."

I look down at Susannah, and then slip off the couch and sit next to her, folding my fingers together in my lap. Susannah looks over at me and puts a hand on my cheek.

"Jesse, please tell me what's going on. I hate it when you leave me in the dark." I sigh and look over at Susannah.

After tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear, I begin, "I've had many of these dreams before, and although they all consist of the same thing, each of them is slightly different. Does that make sense?" Susannah nods and I go on. "Well, in my _dream_, I'm with another woman." I stop and look at Susannah's reaction to this. She seems unaltered by the information, so I continue. "And, um, we are, well…" I fade off trying to get myself to just spit it out and tell her, but I can't. The words won't leave my lips.

After a moment of silence, Susannah questions me, "Jesse?"

"I'm sorry Susannah, I—this is just very hard for me to tell you this, since it might hurt you. And you know I could never do that purposely. _Querida_, I love you more than anyone, you know this right?"

"Of course, Jesse, and I love you more than anyone else." Our gazes lock, and all is quiet for a moment. "Jesse, just tell it to me quick—like ripping off a Band-Aid, you know?" I smile at her.

"Okay…inmydream,I'mhavingsexwithanotherwoman." I look at Susannah, wondering how she's going to react. But nothing happens. She just looks at me blankly.

"Susannah?"

Then she smiles. "Is that is, Jesse? You are just dreaming about having sex with another woman?"

I nod solemnly, preparing myself for her wrath, but then she laughs. "Oh Jesse! I think you need to stop spending so much time with Kirk!" She giggles and for a moment I feel hurt. I don't think she understands how much it hurts me to think about such things, much less dream about them all night long.

Susannah looks over at me and quiets. "Oh Jesse, I'm sorry for laughing. It's just, it's normal for guys your age to dream about things like that."

"But Susannah, I love you."

"I know, but that doesn't stop your hormones."

I look at her vacantly. "It's okay Jesse. It only makes you human." Susannah giggles again and puts a hand on my thigh. I just stare at her, wondering how she's taking this so well, when I'm freaking out.

Susannah tucks her legs under her butt and then leans up against me—her head coming to my chest. "Hold me, Jesse," she whispers and I comply by sliding my arm around her shoulders and scooting closer to her.

We sit there for a minute or two. Then I kiss the top of her head and move gradually down the side of her cheek. I take her lips in my own and clutch her close to me. She lets me kiss her and hold her all I want, but then when my hand slips down to her lower back, she tenses and breaks away from me.

"_Querida_, I'm sorry," I say immediately.

Susannah just looks at me. "I'm sorry to. It's just, _you_ know…"

I nod my head, because in fact I do know what she's feeling. Since Paul and I got switched back, whenever Susannah or I try to "get intimate" she gets spooked and pushes away. It's understandable, but still I want to show her that it's okay, and that I don't want to push her like Paul did when he was in my body.

Susannah gets off of the floor and smiles sadly down at me. "Will you help me with my Western Civ homework?" She asks me in that voice that she knows I can't refuse.

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We are done with her Western Civ homework, and now Susannah is working on English homework, which I am no help in, because I don't like the subject. I'm watching her over my Anatomy reading. I love the way her hair comes undone from behind her ears and then she'll sigh and tuck it back again, only to find it a minute later undone again. I smile when she glances over at me to find me looking over at her. She blushes and then returns to her homework again. I'm still watching her, trying to figure out how I am so fortunate to have the love of a person like Susannah, when my cell phone rings in my pocket, and I just about jump up out of my seat.

Susannah laughs at me while I take my phone out of my pocket with a smile on my face.

"Hello?" I answer when I click the _answer_ button.

"Jesse, it's Marc."

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Well, like I said this morning I have a proposal for you."

"I'm listening." I raise my eyebrows at Susannah, who giggles.

"I was invited to a medical research convention. It's going to have loads of MDs there and they will be presenting both the pros and cons of all the new drugs that have come out over that past year. The conflict is, that I cannot go, but I want to make an appearance. So, I want you to go on my behalf."

"Really?" I ask while walking around the room.

"Indeed. So what do you say? Mingle with some top MDs, get a free room and food, the works!"

"When do I leave?" At this Susannah looks up from her book and her eyes lock onto mine with a question in them.

"Ah, yes, well, you leave in two days. Will that be a problem with your professors? Because if it will be, then I can of course jot a note to them."

I think about it for a moment. "I don't think it'll be a problem…where is it?"

"Well, this year, they're centering it in DC."

"Okay. Washington, DC in two days."

"Yup," Marc says merrily and I smile.

"Marc, you have no idea how much this means to me. This is going to be a big thing for me. Thank you so much." Marc tells me that it wasn't a problem and we arrange to meet for coffee tomorrow so he can give me more details.

I finally hang up the phone. The second I do, Susannah questions me. "Jesse, what was all that about? What's in Washington, and why are you leaving?"

"Susannah, something big has come up! Marc wants me to go to a Medical Convention in Washington, DC! Isn't that great? Oh, this is a big step; I'm going to be meeting some very important doctors…" I break off. "Susannah?"

She looks over at me. "How long are you going to be gone?"

"I'm not sure how long the convention is going to last, actually." I frown and run a hand through my hair. I know she doesn't want me to go, I can feel it. She's worried that something will happen to me. I walk over to her and kneel at her feet. "Querida," I say while taking her hands in mine. "Nothing will happen to me. I promise I will be me when I come back. I would never let anything like _that_ happen again."

Susannah looks at me, the tears filling up her eyes, and then they roll down her cheeks. I pull her into me and hug her tightly, while whispering soft Spanish nothings into her ear. I kiss her tears away. "Don't make promises you can't keep," she whispers into my ear, a sad overtone to her voice.

"I don't."

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I drop Susannah off at her house before dinner is scheduled to commence and then drive off to the beach to sit and think for a while. I walk out slowly from my car and listen to the gentle rocking of the ocean. After plopping down on the sand, I take a handful and let it sift through my fingers.

The sand reminds me of life: you can never hold onto to anything forever. Eventually it will all slip away from you with the shortest of notice.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. The moon's reflection is bright on the calm ocean surface. Taking a deep breath in through my nose, I can feel that the air is heavy with salt.

"It's so quiet," a voice suddenly says and I just about jump out of my skin. Looking to my right I see the ghost girl from before in the quad, sitting next to me.

"Yes it is," I reply and then we both look out to the ocean.

After a minute of only the roaring of the ocean's waves, she speaks, "Whenever I would come down here, it would always be very noisy and crowded. It seemed like I was never alone. There was always someone flittering around me. I was _the_ It-Girl. I was their queen. No one could touch me and freshman threw flowers at my feet." Her voice wavered; I looked over at her and saw tears bordering the rims of her eyelids. "But then I died, and they—they just have forgotten about me."

Out of the corner of my eye I see her shoulders begin to shake. I turn to the ghost girl and put an arm around her shaking shoulders. I don't say anything, because I know she doesn't want anything to be said. She doesn't want me to make false promises to her.

"All of the people I knew just forgot about me after a day. My own best friend moved up to my place! Even my own parents have forgotten about me, their prized beauty! Now they have turned to my genius of a brother. My grave hasn't gotten any fresh flowers in a week!" She shudders to a stop and sobs some more. I just sit and pat her back, trying to soothe her without words.

After a while, she stops shaking and looks over at me. "I don't even know your name," she states.

"I don't know yours either," I reply and she blushes.

"You first," she says as if we're second graders meeting for the first time.

"Jesse." She doesn't say anything for a minute and I get concerned. "It's your turn now."

"Kate Turner," she says with a blush on her cheeks. Then something clicks.

"Wait! You aren't _Ekaterina_ Turner, are you?"

Kate blushes, which I take as a 'yes'.

"There was quite a spread on you in the newspaper. You went to RLS, right?"

"Yes," Kate says quietly. "And now the only thing that's going to remember me is the year book!"

"But you were a renowned teen beauty queen, why wouldn't they remember you?"

"How'd you know that?" Kate asks me.

"I remember my girlfriend saying something about you." I wasn't about to add that Susannah had practically made her sound like a horrible, backstabbing wench.

"Oh, is she nice?"

"Yes," I say to Kate with a smile on my face.

"Oh."

"So…I must ask, what does your name mean?"

Kate blushes, "You mean _Ekaterina_?" I nod. "It's Russian or Georgian for 'pure'. My parents are messed up, why they would curse me with such a weird sounding name, I don't know."

"I think it's very beautiful," I say while making a note to mention it to Susannah for possible names of our daughter.

"You love her, don't you?" Kate asks me, somehow knowing where my thoughts are, after a moment of nothing except the splashing of the waves against each other.

"I would die for her," I respond.

"So going to get something to eat sometimes, is out of the question, right?"

"Well, you technically don't eat anyways, but yes."

Kate just looks at me and sighs. "Well, Jess, thanks for the convo, but I'm gonna go and…" She trails off. "I'll see you around."

I smile at her as she stands up and brushes off some sand while beginning to dematerialize. After a while, my thoughts stray to what I remember about being a ghost.

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AN: Looking back, this story sounds so formal so far, but I guess that's because it's Jesse's POV. Well, tell me what you think, and if it's _that_ bad, I'll fix it stat.


	4. Tired

AN: I am so sorry for what seems like an eternity. I have been extremely busy and to be honest not in a writing mood. However, I have been reading as much ff as I can! My life has been hectic: I've had paper after paper to write, the writing test to prepare for, AP World History review sessions, friends, and the Dropkick Murphy's concert down at the House of Blues in South Carolina. Oh yes, I went and they rocked my fucking socks off! I even got up on stage (with all the other girls in the pit) when they played "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced". It was such a rush. Okay, well I'll stop with the bragging, and get on with the very belated chapter…

Sorry again…

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Chapter 3

I returned to my apartment, still thinking about Susannah. Was she upset with me, because I was leaving? Or did I push her too much?

I don't want to push her, but sometimes, it's nice to—as Susannah calls it—make out. But we haven't gone very far in a while, and I'm becoming concerned. I'm worried about Susannah and if she'll ever recover from that thing with Paul and me. Some days are promising, but then others—she's so distant with me intimately that I think there's no hope.

I throw myself down onto my bed and put my hands beneath my head. While staring up at the ceiling my thoughts seem too intense and suddenly I have a headache. I get up slowly and pad into my bathroom. After popping an Advil into my mouth, I turn on the sink and cup my hands underneath the stream of water. I splash some into my mouth and swallow. I stand up and look at myself in the mirror; I notice the deep circles under my eyes and I frown.

After standing there for five minutes, I remember that the faucet is still running. However, I don't turn it off, but listen to it. It doesn't sound like the ocean, but that's what it reminds me of. Shaking my head at my reflection, I sigh and turn off the water. While walking back into my bedroom, my cell phone rings.

"Hello?" I answer the phone.

"Hey, Jesse!" It's Kirk.

"Hey."

"You wanna hang out tonight? There's this kick ass dorm party I'm going to."

Figures… "Actually, Kirk, I have a bunch of homework to do and a paper to write. So I probably won't be able to join you tonight. Thank you for the invitation."

"Dude…homework? Gosh, well too bad for you because it's supposed to be one hell of a party!" Kirk does what he says is a _rebel yell_ and then hangs up.

I put my phone on my dresser and sigh. I had been to a couple of parties with Kirk and sometimes Susannah. They had fun, but I never saw the point—I still don't. I don't like to drink alcohol, so why would I like a dorm party where that is the only thing to do? And "score chicks" as Kirk says, but I have Susannah, so why would I want to do that either?

I sigh again and flop down onto my bed my thoughts on Susannah (who else?).

I smile to my ceiling while I remember her face, the way she used to smile at me before I kissed her, the smell of her hair. I take sharp intake of breath and close my eyes. _Nombre de Dios_, she is so beautiful, _mi querida_.

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I awake to my alarm blaring for the fifth time this morning, and realize that I'm late! My eyes are crusty and I feel extremely tired. While frantically getting up and rushing around my apartment, I stub my toe on my doorframe and curse in Spanish loudly. After throwing some food into my mouth, I run out to my car and jump in.

Going at least ten miles over the speed limit, I pull into Susannah's drive way to see her standing on her porch looking anxious. She smiles timidly when she sees me and bounds down the steps.

"Hi," she says while throwing herself into the passenger seat. "I'm going to be late!"

"I know," I say quickly while throwing the car into reverse. "I'm sorry. I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Another sex dream?" Susannah asks while buckling up and looking over at me. I blush at the word sex, I know I shouldn't, and I know I'm a grown man, but she uses it so lightly.

"No," I say with a glance over to her. She looks tired too; there are dark circles under her eyes that she tried to cover up with makeup, but didn't quiet pull off the look. "I was thinking…"

"Oh," Susannah says while brushing some hair off of her bare shoulder. She's wearing a tank top and jeans with her favorite boots. It's a warm day, but since we both have a late class, she's got her leather jacket in her hands. I smile over at her and then slam on my break.

"Shit Jesse!" Susannah yells.

"_Merde_!"

My car stops before back ending the very expensive car in front of me. We are slammed back into our seats and I glance over at Susannah, talking very fast in Spanish.

"Jesse, I'm fine." Susannah says impatiently. "Are you okay? Do you want me to drive?"

I shake my head and drive on. My hands are shaking. I almost got us killed. I almost killed Susannah. I would never be able to forgive myself if I was the reason Susannah died.

Still shaking I park the car, and Susannah asks me again if I'm okay, before kissing me and practically flying off to her class. After getting my stuff, I make my way to the library to do some studying before my psychology class.

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While sitting in one of the corners of the library on the third floor a girl (Amy) in my Anatomy class comes over and asks if she can sit with me. We are silent for a couple of minutes, but then she strikes up a conversation.

After talking for about an hour, I realize that I'm late to my class, and I apologize to her and run off to my class. I slide into the auditorium panting and take a seat in the back—something I never do. Cursing myself silently I get out my notebook and tune into what the professor is saying about the cerebellum.

I find my thoughts wondering during the professors lecture, however before I go too far I always jerk myself back to the present. I'm running on empty and strangely enough, my eyelids are extremely heavy.

Finally class ends and I walk to my car, it's time to meet up with Marc and discuss the conference. I drive carefully over to the Coffee Clutch making sure I don't go over the speed limit and always keep my eyes and thoughts on the road. When I get there I see Marc in line.

"Well hello there!" Marc pulls me into a hug/handshake.

"Hello, Marc. How are you today?"

"Just fine, mate. How 'bout you?"

"Tired."

"I know what you mean…" Marc says somewhat sadly and I notice the circles under his eyes. _Wonder why Marc's not getting much sleep…_

We order our coffees and then sit down in a secluded part of the shop.

"So, Jesse, I'm so glad you can do this for me, you have no idea how much trouble I would be in with the association if I didn't show up for this thing. I haven't been able to go to the last three, and I really need to send someone there on my behalf. Who better than you to do that? Right?"

I nod my head and take a sip of my hot coffee. Marc pulls out a packet of info and hands it to me. I rifle through it, reading bits and pieces. It looks like this could be my ticket to a job right out of Med school. I smile to myself and think, "Finally, I'll be able to support Susannah."

Marc goes on to explain about the Association that is holding the conference. He explains that it will be long and arduous, but the outcome is always nice. "And besides," Marc adds while adding a bit of sugar to his coffee, "You'll get to mingle with doctors much more impressive than me."

I nod my head and then look over at the clock. I'm late for lunch with Susannah. "Marc, I'm sorry, but I must go."

"But of course! The tickets are in the packet…you leave tomorrow at eight PM." Marc beams at me while I get up and shake his hand goodbye. I practically run out of the door and into my car.

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"You're late," Susannah says while I sit down at our place in the quad.

"I know, and I'm sorry." I lean over and kiss her on the cheek.

"Coffee with Marc go well?"

"Yes, I leave tomorrow night at eight PM."

Susannah looks over at me. "So soon?"

"Yes."

Susannah doesn't say anything, but instead just stares down at her hands. "Jesse…I'm sorry."

Surprised, I am silent for a moment. "Sorry for what?"

"For being stupid and selfish and, well, just stupid."

"Susannah, you're not stupid, nor selfish." I say while taking her hands in mine.

She yanks them away, "But I am! I haven't gotten over the thing with Paul. I know he's not going to mess with us anymore, but whenever I look at you I have this feeling in my stomach. Like you're not yourself. Jesse, what if something happens over in DC? What if I need you and you're not here?"

"Susannah," I say while grasping her hands and pulling her into me. "Nothing will happen, and if something should, then I would be on the first plane back. You know you can always call Marc. Marc will come to you in a flash if you need him. I promise, everything will be fine." I hold _mi querida_ for a while, enjoying the contact. She shakes for a while, but eventually quiets down and allows me to hold her.

"Jesse," she murmurs into my chest.

"Mmhmm?"

"Can we go over to your house?" Susannah asks while pushing herself away from me a little.

I look down at her in shock. "B-b-but what about our classes?"

"Screw them," she says with a devilish smile on her angelic face and I melt right there. All my morals fly out of the window, and all I can think about it holding Susannah in my arms, claiming her lips as mine.

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AN: Rawr…I don't much like this chapter very much…but I promise once Jesse gets back from the conference, things will pick up! Next chapter will come sooner, I promise! Thanks for reading, and again, sorry for the wait…I suck I know.


	5. A Soft Kiss to the Lips

AN: Okay, I hated my last chapter…so hopefully this one is better. There's some fluff and "a parting" in this one. I'm still debating whether I should hold the conference over two chapters or sum it up in one. It's not really anything significant; it's just a way for Jesse to leave. Once he comes home to Suze, things will pick up, I swear!

Happy reading!

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Chapter 4

I almost get us killed again while driving over to my apartment like a bat out of hell as Susannah describes it in-between kisses. I can't help it if I am distracted; Susannah's kisses are intoxicating, and she is giving me a lot of them. Once I pull into a parking space and shut off the car, Susannah grabs me by the collar and pulls me on top of her. Her legs wrap themselves around my waist, while I hold myself up on my palms. She leans up and pulls me closer with a mouth-melting kiss.

I don't know what has gotten into her, but I love it. It's enthralling! She is wrapped around me, kissing my lips like they are water quenching a dehydrated person's thirst. _Querida_ can't get enough, and neither can I.

We make out for a couple of minutes, until we are interrupted by a knock on the car window. I look up through the passenger window and see my neighbor. Mrs. Backman's an old, frail woman, but can be stern when she wants to be. And one of those times, just ends up to be now.

"Jesse," she says curtly, "You are in _my_ parking space!" I look around and see that I am in fact in her space. Apologizing profusely, I get up off of Susannah and back out of the space and pull into mine, which is right next to it. Both Susannah and I get out of the car. Susannah tries not to make eye contact, and even though I am extremely embarrassed I apologize to Mrs. Backman again, before rushing Susannah into my house.

Once we are safely inside, _mi querida_ begins to giggle, while I feel my face blush profusely. Susannah looks up at me and my flushed face and laughs even harder.

"Susannah, it's not funny," I say while crossing my arms over my chest. I look down at her; her face is red with laughter and suddenly she pushes herself into my arms and plants a kiss on my lips.

She gasps, and I wrap my arms around her waist, and pull her into me some more. "Oh Jesse," she moans while I kiss her neck.

"_Querida_," I whisper huskily while she runs her hands through my hair. We tumble away from my front door and I push her up against a wall. Lifting Susannah up, she wraps her legs and arms around me and lets me kiss her collarbone freely. She moans my name over and over while running her hands through my hair. My lips are traveling all over her skin: lips, cheeks, neck, collarbone, breastplate. I take Susannah away from the wall and carry her into my bedroom. Her eyes widen when I place her down onto my bed and climb on top of her.

"Jesse," she says in a whisper. I stop mid-kiss and look up at _mi querida's_ face.

"Do you wish for me to stop?" I ask her, my voice husky.

She shivers, while I run my hand down the side of her arm. Her "no" comes out a little choked. I pause for a moment, to make sure that she wants to continue, and when I am sure that she does, I let my lips wander over her.

Susannah chucks off my shirt, while I push her own to reveal her stomach. I pepper it with kisses and listen as she laughs. She squirms under me, but I pin her wrists above her head with one of my hands. I can see the anxiety in her eyes while she looks up at me. It flickers there, but then she relaxes and I trace the fingers of my other hands down her shoulder to her hip.

I look her in the eyes again and see that she is dying to be kissed. Smiling at her, I lean down and take her lips as my own. They are soft and gentle. I massage hers with my own and let her tongue slip into my mouth. Oh, the sin is great and beautiful.

Our kiss deepens and I let go of her wrists and my hands meander up her sides, while hers run down my back. I shiver as she pulls me on top of her fully and rolls us over. Susannah straddles my sides; I look up at her in pure surprise. She cracks a smile, and then leans down and kisses me so deeply that I don't even feel her fingers gently un-buttoning my pants.

Her lips suddenly leave mine, and she trails my neck down to my chest and then to my stomach. I shudder when she gets lower and then my brain snaps back from its vacation and I grab Susannah's shoulder and bring her up to me again.

"Jesse?" Susannah asks me while I hold her in my arms for a moment.

"I'm sorry. It's just, this is going way to fast, and you possibly couldn't be comfortable with this! _Nombre de Dios_!" I sigh and drag a hand through my hair.

Susannah slides off of me and lies next to me on the bed. "I didn't mean to…"

"It's not your fault, _querida_. We just got carried away."

"Yeah—" She says distantly.

_Merde…_I slap myself mentally and roll over on my side to face Susannah. "_Querida_," she looks over at me and I can see the tears outlining her eyes. "I don't want to pressure you. But you know my beliefs—"

"No sex, before marriage." Susannah says indifferently while her gaze floats up to the ceiling.

"Yes, but I guess I got a little carried away because we hadn't been _intimate_ for a while…I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

Susannah looks over at me, and for a second I think that she's mad at me. "Oh Jesse, I could never be uncomfortable around you."

I smile and wrap my arms around _mi querida_. She molds into me and we just lie there for a lifetime, soaking up each other.

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Susannah slips off into sleep and I hug her tighter to me. Pressing my face into the back of her head I inhale that soft scent of her. I shiver and push myself away from Susannah a little. I can't slip into that again. If I did there would be no telling of what I would push her into. I can't, plain and simple.

She stirs and then flips over onto her other side so I could see her face. Before she opens her eyes, I shut my own so she won't know I had been looking _and_ yearning.

I feel the light touch of the pads of her finger tips on my face near my temple. She whispers my name, and just like that I feel the stir of passion within me. She brushes her fingers along my hairline and then sinks them in my hair and caresses my scalp. A moan almost escapes me, but I repress it just in time.

Susannah's other hand slips onto my arm and she weaves her fingers through mine.

"Jesse?" She whispers.

I ponder opening my eyes, or just enjoying this intimate connection between us.

"Jesse, I know you're awake…" Susannah whispers playfully into my ear—her breath tickling the back of my neck; I shift. "Ah hah!"

I open my eyes to see emerald green ones staring back at me. I smile and she snorts. "You are so full of yourself."

"I am most certainly not!"

"Oh really?" She asks with a smile on her face.

"No, I am—" She shushes me with the softest kiss to the lips I have ever received. Her lips are like a drug and I want more, much more than I should. I want more even when I know I shouldn't, for her lips will be the end of me.

"Oh Jesse," she moans and I tense. In her voice there is so much yearning. It makes my own yearning look substantially depleted. Our lips stay clashed together in a quiet embrace for a while. I can feel all of my nerves relax until I am completely vulnerable to anything she wants to do to me with those lips.

However, she doesn't take advantage of me but rather ends our connection and gets up off the bed. "I better get home."

I open my eyes to see her wringing her hands and looking at the floor. "Of course. I'll drive you."

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On her front porch, Susannah kisses me lightly and smiles up at me. But only her lips smile, her eyes stay sad.

She is about to walk into her house, when I grab her by the arm and pull her back to me. "_Querida_, what's wrong?" I ask while hugging her to my chest tightly.

She shakes her head. "Nothing."

"You're lying."

Susannah is still for a moment, and she I feel her shake. I look down at her face and there are tears streaming down her cheeks. Each one is a blow to my heart.

"I d-don't want you to leave, Jesse."

"I know," I whisper into her ear while my thumb brushes away the tears.

"What if something should happen? I know you said nothing would, but what if?"

"Susannah, there's no point in thinking about 'what if's' they are never ending. Just remember I am coming home to you just as I left, no matter what." I hug her tighter and she sighs.

"You're right."

I don't say anything; I just hold her to me so nothing can hurt her. The front door opens with a bang and Brad comes out of the house, "Suze! You need to set the table!"

I glare at him over the top of Susannah's head.

I'm about to say something, when Susannah spins around and says, "Yeah, I'm coming." Brad shoots a look at me and then walks back inside the house. _Mi Querida_ looks back at me and sighs, "I'll call you, okay?"

I nod and then watch as she walks into the house and shuts the door.

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While I'm packing, Kate comes and visits me.

"What's going on Jesse?" She asks while I shove some boxers quickly into my bag.

"I'm packing."

"I can see that. What's the occasion?"

"I'm going to a conference for my friend over in D.C."

"Ooh!" Kate says while sitting down on the bed, her short skirt riding up a bit. "I went there for a pageant once."

"That's nice," I say a little distracted.

"What's wrong? Suze didn't give you what you wanted?"

Startled I drop my pair of jeans and look at her aghast. "W-w-what?"

"She afraid."

"And how would you know that?"

"I've been watching her. She loves you Jesse, she's just holding back because she doesn't kno—"

"You've been what?"

"I've been watching her. You obviously can't look after her all the time, so I thought I would. She doesn't know who I am. Actually, she doesn't seem to be able to see me. I thought you said she was a mediator like you."

"She's a shifter," I say and the mentally slap myself for sounding like Paul.

"Whatever. But I mean I walked like right by her and she didn't seem to notice."

Suddenly offended on Susannah's behalf, I say in her defense, "She probably has a lot on her mind."

"Or maybe she's not a shifter any more."

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AN: Okay, so I like this one better. Tell me what you think!


	6. First Timer

AN: Thanks for all of the reviews last time. I know you all want to know if Susannah isn't a shifter any more, but you'll have to wait. So hold on to your pants!

Tell me if this doesn't sound like Jesse too much.

Thanks a lot, and sorry for the delay, I'm so busy with Science Olympiad and midterms! Gosh, when will it all end?

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Chapter 5

I run through the terminal of the San Francisco International Airport frantically checking my watch. I have two minutes to get to the gate. When I got to the airport I didn't know where to go, so I called Kate, and she told me what to do and where to go.

I look down at my watch again—one and a half minutes left.

"Jesse, look out!" Kate yells and my head snaps up. I dodge an old woman with her walker and run faster through the never-ending hallway. "Okay, Jesse, 23D to D.C. is right ahead. See, you still got time, the gate is still boarding."

I sigh and come to a halt at the end of the line. When I get to the flight attendant, she holds out her hand to me. I shake it, not knowing what else to do; I smile down at her. She rolls her eyes and yanks her hand out of mine. Beside me, Kate is in a fit of giggles.

"Your ticket, sir," she says impatiently to me while placing her hand out in front of her again. I blush and then whip out my ticket and hand it to her. She sends it through a machine and then hands part of it back to me. "You're in First Class, please walk right through there." She turns and points to the big opening to a long hallway.

Once I'm out of earshot to the woman, I turn to Kate. "Why didn't you inform me about giving my ticket to that woman?"

"I didn't know you would be that inexperienced! I mean, God! Haven't you seen any movies?" Kate sighs and then giggles again. I sigh and throw my bag over my shoulder.

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Once inside the airplane and in my seat, I sit back and look around the plane. Kate is sitting beside me in an empty seat.

It's the first time I've ever been in one, and I feel like a little kid. Everything is so fascinating, and when I told Kate this, she told me I should ask them if I can go up to the cockpit. Then she laughed at me, when I lit up, so I'm pretty sure that isn't a good idea, but it would be interesting, nonetheless.

"Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen," a voice says and I spin around in my seat.

"Jesse, don't worry about it. That's just the captain." Kate says while rolling her eyes at me for the umpteenth time in less thirty minutes.

"Where?" I ask while I scan the cabin.

Kate sighs and twirls a piece of her hair around her finger. "He's using the announcer thingy."

"Oh," I say not knowing what an announcer thingy is. We sit there for a moment in silence and then something pops into my head. "Kate?"

"Yeah?" She asks and looks over at me.

"Would you please do my a favor?"

"What?"

"Could you check on Susannah for me?"

Kate sighs and rolls her eyes. "Gosh, you've only not seen her in like eight hours, and you are already worried about her? Dude, you aren't going to be like that the whole trip, are you?"

"Kate, please."

She looks over at me and I can see her melt. "Fine," Kate says indifferently and I smile over at her.

"Thank you."

"Uh-huh," she says while dematerializing.

I tap my right foot for four minutes, before getting worried about her. What if something happened? What if Susannah is dead? I shake my head hurriedly trying not to think about the horror I would be in if something was wrong. However, someone breaks my thoughts.

"Hello."

I look up and over to the aisle, where I find an attractive young woman standing in front of me with a briefcase in her hand. "Hello," I say to her, trying to figure out what she wants from me.

"My seat is right next to yours," the woman says while pointing to the seat, which Kate had been occupying.

"Of course; let me just move out of your way."

"Thank you," the woman says while moving away from my seat while I get up. She moves past me and gently sits in her seat, puts her briefcase under the seat in front of her and then turns to me when I'm back in my own aisle seat.

"I'm Lauren." She holds out her hand to me, and I take it, this time knowing I'm doing the right thing.

"I am Jes—" Kate materializes right _in_ Lauren. She looks over at me with a disgusted look on her face.

"Who is this hobag?" Kate asks me and I almost choke on my tongue.

Kate dematerializes with another profanity geared towards Lauren and I look at Lauren. She looks freaked out.

"Are you okay?" I ask her.

"Yeah," she says while shaking herself. "Just a cold spot. Hmmm." She looks over at me with a smile on her face. "So I didn't catch all of your name."

"Jesse." I smile over at her and notice how the morning sun makes her blonde hair glow from behind.

We strike up a conversation for a minute, until the pilot tells us he's ready to "get this bird in the air". I shiver at that and realize I'm just a little bit scared of flying. Why couldn't I just be a shifter and shift to D.C? It would have been so much easier and cheaper.

While the plane begins to jerk around on the tarmac, I have a sudden pang for Susannah. I actually moan out loud and receive a weird look from Lauren.

"Are you okay?" Lauren asks me while looking a little worried.

"I just haven't flown before. I'm a little creeped out." I say, and then afterwards I sound like Susannah, and my pang grows into yearning. I need to talk to Kate. I make a move to unbuckle, but Lauren stops me.

"You can't get out of your seat until the captain takes off the seat-belt sign," she says matter-of-factly.

"Oh," I say faintly and grab onto the arms of my seat when there is a sudden jolt.

"Are you sure you're okay? You aren't going to throw up, are you?"

I look over at her repulsed. "People throw up because of flying?"

"Yes," she says a little hesitantly, like she cannot believe I did not know that.

"Oh," I say again and try to calm down. I look around the cabin carefully. I see Kate sitting comfortable next to a super model looking guy. My panic subsides. _Well at least Kate is here._

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_Ding_.

"The pilot has turned off the seat belt sign, you are now free to walk around the cabin. Thank you for flying with—"

In an instant I'm up out of my seat and rushing off to the bathroom, which I had had Lauren point out to me while we were taking off. I pull the door to the bathroom shut and then call Kate. She materializes right into my arms.

"Oh," she blushes, "I'm sorry." I place her onto her feet and see that the bathroom is indeed extremely small. _I wouldn't mind being in here with Susannah…_

I mentally slap myself for being inappropriate and then look down at Kate, who looks dreamy. "Are you okay?"

She shakes her head. "Oh God, Jesse, I'm so glad you invited me on this trip. The guy I'm sitting next to is _uber_ hot! He's an Abercombie&Fitch model! How cool is that?" She squeals and I just look down at her like I look at Susannah when she says something that sounds to me like a foreign language.

"Was Susannah okay?" I ask her in a whisper, not wanting someone to walk past thinking I'm in the bathroom with someone. I know about the Mile High Club; Kirk had made sure to tell me about it before I left. I just shook my head at him.

"Suze was fine. She did notice me this time." I sigh when she says this. So Susannah is still a shifter. "She was quite rude, though. I thought you said she was nice!"

"You probably intruded."

"You were the one who told me to go!" Kate says heatedly. "And when I told her that, she got really mad, so I left before she started throwing stuff at me."

Something is wrong with Susannah; she's not okay with me leaving.

"Could you go to her now and tell her something from me?"

"Hell no!" Kate says while tossing her hair. "I'm not about to let your psycho girlfriend chuck things at me."

"She is _not_ pys—" I begin, but Kate just dematerializes and I huff. I practically throw myself out of the bathroom and walk past Kate and the model with a dirty look. Kate throws one right back at me and then goes back to staring at the guy next to her. I sit back down at my seat to see that Lauren has her laptop out and she is typing away.

She looks up at me when I sit down. "Hey. The attendants are coming around in a bit to get your drink order."

"Oh?" I say and then watch as she resumes her typing. I fold my hands in my lap and twiddle my thumbs.

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After the attendants give us our drinks they pass out headphones and play a movie. I am listening in, but not really paying attention. I want to talk to Susannah. I need to know if she's okay, but Kate doesn't come when I call her.

"So," Lauren begins when the movie is over and a kid one has started, "why are you going to D.C.?"

"I'm attending a conference on behalf of a doctor I'm the acquaintance of."

"Really? The Annual Medical Drug Conference?"

"Yes."

"Oh my God! I'm going there too! My boss sent me there to go around and get info for him and jot down notes. I get paid to fly out to D.C. and practically sight-see!"

"Wow."

"Hey, you wouldn't want to maybe go sight-seeing with me something, would you?"

I nod my head, "I would love to see some of the capital."

Lauren smiles over at me and I don't realize just how genuine that smile is.

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Since we are going to the same hotel, Lauren says we should chare a cab. I tell her sure and help her with her luggage.

On the way to the hotel, Lauren points out all this stuff to me and smiles all the while. Kate is in the front seat, pouting the whole time. I hadn't been able to talk to her at the airport, so she hadn't left yet.

Once we arrive at the hotel, Kate sighs and so does Lauren.

"Oh my Gosh, isn't this the nicest?" They both say at the same time, and Kate shoots Lauren a dirty look.

I nod my head in mute consent. We walk into the lobby and Lauren leads the way to the reception desk. While she's checking herself in, I talk to Kate discreetly.

"If you could just keep an eye on her from time to time, I would be forever grateful to you," I say to her while keeping eye contact with her.

"I know, I know. I'll make sure to check on her." Kate stops, thinks, and then goes on. "You want me to come back sometime?"

"Yes, updates would be nice." I smile down at her, but she just rolls her eyes at me and mutters something about the things she does for hot guys and dematerializes.

Lauren calls my name and I approach the desk. I go through an unusual ordeal and then the man behind the desk hands me an envelop with a number written on it.

We both walk over to the elevators, accompanied by a bellman carrying all of Lauren's bags. In the elevator, Lauren asks me what room number I have.

"723." I tell her with a glance to the envelope still clutched in my hands.

"Really?" She asks me with a smile on her face.

"Yes, why?"

"I'm right across the hall from you!"

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AN: Tell me what you think about this one. I know things are getting a little more complicated with everyone's emotions and so forth, but keep an eye on Lauren. If you hadn't already noticed, she's going to be just a bit of an annoyance…


	7. The Wrong Woman

A/N: This chapter is going to be a little boring at first, and it'll seem pointless, but it must be told…by the end you'll see why.

P.S. I have two words for you…SPRING BREAK!

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Chapter 6

I lock myself into my room after getting off the elevator and letting Lauren talk me into dinner with her later. After unpacking and taking a shower I step into the bedroom and find Kate standing there studying her nails. She looks up at me.

"He—" she begins but then stops and stares at me. I look down at realize that I am half-naked, with only a towel around my waist. I blush, horrified at the fact that she is staring at me and with only an, "excuse me," I rush back into the bathroom and throw on a shirt and some pants.

When I come back out, Kate is nowhere to be found. Shrugging my shoulders I finish getting ready and then grab my plastic key-card and walk out the door. Lauren's room number is 724; right where she said it would be, across the hall. I look both ways before crossing the wide hallway and knock on the door.

Lauren answers the door wearing a strappy black dress and high-heeled shoes. She beams up at me and I smile warmly down at her.

"You look great, Jesse," she says while ushering my inside of her room.

"And you do as well."

Lauren blushes and informs me that she will be another minute or two, which I know means more like five minutes. I sit on the edge of her bed, and then think maybe she'll get the wrong idea, so I stand.

While I wait, Susannah's face pops into my head and I yearn for her even more than before. I can hear her laughter in my ear…if she knew I was going out to eat with Lauren, would she be angry? My thoughts dissipate when Lauren taps me on the shoulder and tells me she's ready to go.

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Dinner is nice, we eat at an upscale restaurant and I insist on paying. Lauren is very talkative and by dessert I know each and every one of her family members names and descriptions to go along with it.

We finish with dessert, or more like I finish with dessert, and then I pay the waiter a large tip and we walk out the door. Lauren flags down a taxi by instinct and I hold the door open for her. When we reach the hotel we ride the elevator in silence and then I walk her to her door.

"Well," she says while she fishes around for her key in her purse. "That was really fun, Jesse. Thank you for treating me. You didn't have to." When her key is in her hand, she looks back at me with a smile radiating off of her face.

"No, no, no, it was my pleasure." I respond and then with a tip of my head I leave her and go to my own room.

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The next day I awake early to thoughts of Susannah. It's like she almost haunts my dreams sometimes. Before I take a shower I check my voicemail, but when I realize I don't have any from Susannah, I hang up without listening to the others.

I walk downstairs to the main dinning atrium after taking a shower and finishing my morning ritual. The intense smell of high class, well, everything radiates from the room and I walk in trying not to think of Susannah and how much she would love it here. I look around briefly trying not to look lost. Lauren spots me and gets up quickly from her table. She hustles over to me and slides her arms through mine and leads me over to the table she just vacated. Before she allows me to sit down, she introduces me to the other people sitting at the table. Apparently we all have place cards.

"These are employees of doctors around the country: Lilly, Chad, Veronica, and Taylor," Lauren says to me while still holding onto my arm. I greet all of them with a smile, nod, and a handshake. Lilly and Veronica exchange glances with Lauren, while Chad and Taylor inhale the food before them. They all seem to be my age and this confuses me. However when I look around I realize that the majority of the people present are male and look over forty.

After breakfast, comes the orientation where we get all of our information packets and walk around a big conference room picking up merchandise. I get two of everything so that I will be able to keep on and give the other to Marc. Lauren clings to me the majority of the morning. _I enjoy her company_, I tell myself, trying not to be snippy, as I know Susannah would be to someone like Lauren. She reminds me of Kelly Prescott; _Dios_, Susannah would think I was a traitor for 'hanging out' with someone like that.

When lunch comes around, I still find Lauren glued to my side. She talks nonstop to me, all of it useless information. I engage myself into the conversation as best as I can, but whenever I say something intelligent it is like 'talking to a wall' as Susannah would put it. They serve us exquisitely made foods, including Indian stir-fry and Spanish tapas. I make sure to get a healthy load of tapas and find them to be almost like the way my mother made them.

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The rest of the day is uneventful, and after dinner, Lauren asks if I would like to join her on a sight-seeing walk. Excited about seeing some American history, I say yes without hesitation and put on some more comfortable shoes.

We walk around the town, with her arms through mine. She complains that she is cold, but I enjoy the briskness of the wind biting my cheeks and the pounding of our feet on the concrete. On our circuit, we see the White House, Capital Hill, the Capital Building, The National Gallery, the Library, Lincoln Memorial, and the George Washington Memorial.

I find everything fascinating, but all Lauren does is complain about how cold it is and how 'blah' all the monuments are. I just smile at her and let her humor me, without really listening to her.

When I can't take it anymore, I get us a taxi and climb into it. Lauren snuggles up against me, and I let her because she is cold. We get back to the hotel, and again we ride up to our floor and I walk her to her room.

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For the rest of the duration of the week, I meet tons of new people, 'chill' with Lauren and her new friends, walk around Washington with Kate at night, and find myself really missing Susannah. I call her every chance I get, but she doesn't pick up or call me back whenever I leave her a message. Kate, tells me that she checks on and says that she is okay, just busy. And when I ask Kate, what Susannah is busy with, she doesn't seem to have an answer.

The night before we all depart from the conference, there is a big party in the bar area on the first floor and tons of alcohol. Apparently all the doctors like to drink, and so does Lauren. "But only when it's free," she tells me while almost slipping off of her stool.

I catch her before she hits the floor and then tell her, "I'm going to take you up to bed now." She leans on me while I walk with her over to the elevator. She smells horrible and I try not to gag at the smell of alcohol in her breath. When we finally manage to get down the hall to her room, I prop her up against the wall and search her bag for her key. Once I find it, I open the door and help her inside.

The door shuts behind me, and I steady Lauren by putting my hands on her waist. She looks up at me and then before I know it, her lips are on mine. She wraps her whole body around mine; I stagger at the sudden onset of weight. We fall onto the bed, her on top. She straddles me and her heavy lips never leave mine. I can feel the onset of suffocation slowly sliding over my body, much like Lauren's tongue is sliding over my tongue. I try not to gag, while trying to pry Lauren's legs from my waist. All the while, my brain is screaming, "She's the wrong woman!"

She's dead weight and her legs are like iron. Her hands are brusquely tugging at my shirt and I try to struggle against her. She finally takes her lips off of mine and I say, "Lauren," after catching my breath.

"Oh Jesse," she whispers into my neck and then bites my ear. I yelp and jump up off of the bed, making Lauren sail from the mattress and onto the floor. I run out of the room and grope my pocket for my key. I stumble into my room and lock the door behind me.

Panting, I turn around and sit on my bed. "_Nombre de Dios_," I say aloud while dragging a hand through my hair.

Kate materializes beside me and looks at me funnily. "Jesse," she says carefully.

I pause for a moment, and then look over at her. She looks worried. "Yes?"

"What the hell was that?" Kate bursts out.

_Merde_, she saw me. "Lauren is intoxicated and _she_ advanced on _me_." I say, choosing my words carefully.

"No shit," Kate says. "Lauren is a bitch, and a talkative one at that. I saw that coming from the first moment she laid her eyes on you."

"You weren't even there when she first saw me," I point out. Kate huffs and mumbles something about never being able to win. "It doesn't matter, we're going home tomorrow, and I'll be able to see Susannah finally."

Kate throws me a look, which I can't decipher. "Sure." She smiles a smile, which I think is a façade.

I smile over at her frustrated and sigh. She dematerializes and I pace around the room for ten minutes, before sighing in annoyance and taking a hot shower. When I get out of the shower I sniff my clothes and they smell like Lauren. I throw them in the trash, not wanting to even see them again.

I slide into bed, suddenly wanting Susannah there lying next to me. _Why didn't I just make love to her when she wanted it?_ It would have made her happy and that would have made me happy. Every time she smiled it made my heart light, and every tear she shed made my heart break. _Would she still want me to make love to her when I got back? Would I be able to go through with it? Would she be able to do it?_ I get red hot angry when what Paul did pops into my head. I could tell him where to go…

I stare up at the ceiling for a while, my mind constantly cantering about, before finally dozing off.

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I don't see Lauren the next day when I go down to check off, or in the many lines in the airport. When I finally get onto the plane, I scan the first class cabin area to check if she is in any of the seats, but she isn't. However, when I find my seat, I find Kate sitting in the one next to it.

"I checked the stewardess's' list, this is an empty seat," she says to me while I put my stuff into the overhead compartment. After I glance around the cabin once more before sitting down, she adds, "And Lauren is catching a later flight." I sigh both out loud and mentally.

"She is a bitch," Kate says and I look over at her startled.

"Please don't raise your voice so high." I say in a whisper while glancing around to see if anyone heard Kate.

"Yeah, 'cause that would make a whole hell of a lot of sense," Kate snorts. "I'm only dead and all." She looks over at me, "Or did you forget that?"

"No, I most certainly did not forget that!" I whisper back to her appalled.

"You 'most certainly' did!" Kate says while crossing her arms over her chest.

"Fine, I did. I am sorry." I look over at her, waiting. She looks over at me and smiles. I smile back over to her warmly.

"Yeah, yeah." Kate says playfully and then stares out of the window.

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AN: Yeah, not so sure I like this chapter, but I had to put it in there. Hopefully I'll have the next one out soon. Please don't crucify me if you hate it—I'd rather you break it to me nicely. But if it did suck, then tell me—maybe it can be salvaged…


	8. De Silva Men Do Not Cry

AN: I actually like this chapter. We are finally getting into the good stuff (sorry that the first bazillion chapters were boring and confusing). After this, there's going to be a lot of thinking, planning, and confusion. So **ye be warned**.

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Chapter 7

The plane landed and I rushed home as quickly as I could. It was late. We had had a two hours layover in Chicago that had turned into a seven hours. While unlocking my door, I think of Susannah. The smell of her hair, the taste of her lips on mine.

I moan and Kate looks at me funnily.

"Sorry," I say while trying to hide my blush.

"Whatever," Kate says while following me into my house. "So…what are you going to do now?"

"Call Susannah," I say while grabbing for my cell phone.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Kate asks me and I look at her curiously.

"Why? Shouldn't I want to call her, to talk to her after a week of no communication?" Kate kicks the floor. "Kate…what's wrong? Is something the matter with Susannah?" I try to keep the nervousness out of my tone of voice, but it sticks and Kate looks up at me.

"Shit," she says while she dematerializes in front of my eyes and I moan in anguish. Flipping open my cell phone, I dial Susannah's number and stare at the ceiling.

The ringing doesn't seem to end; it just keeps ringing, and ringing, and ringing. Finally her voicemail clicks over: "Hey! It's Suze, leave me a cool message and I'll call you back." I smile at the sound of her voice. I feel my knees go weak.

"Susannah. Hello." I pause for a moment—not knowing what exactly I want to say to her. I know plenty of stuff I want to say to her, but it is extremely inappropriate and her father would curse me if he were to overhear it. "I'm back from Washington. Hope you are well, and I'll see you tomorrow." I pause again and drag a hand through my hair. "I love you." I hang up the phone quickly before I say anything else and then slap my forehead. Sometimes I am extremely thick.

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I lie awake in bed thinking about her. Whenever my eyes are closed I see her face looming in front of me. Whenever I inhale I smell her scent on my sheets. I sigh frustrated and hit my pillow with a loud curse. Rolling over, a thought strikes me. What if I just went over there now and knocked on her window.

With the sudden rush of adrenaline and hormones, I throw on some pants and a shirt and run out of my house. I jump into my car and drive quickly over to Susannah's house. Trying to be careful, I park a block away. Once I'm on the sidewalk, I run flat out to her house, then climb the tree up to her window and look inside. She's not there. Her bed is unslept in and panic begins to climb up into my throat. I can taste the bile on my taste buds. _Where is she? What if something serious has happened? Is that why she hasn't been returning my calls? Is she injured? Why wouldn't Kate tell me?_

I climb back down the tree and walk slowly back to my car. My nerves are about to explode, I need to hold Susannah, _mi Querida_. _She's the only thing I have to live for, and if I don't have her, then whom do I have?_

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The next day, I take a long, hot shower and end up being a half an hour late to my first class. However, when I turn in my perfect paper to the Professor Longfellow, she smiles at me and tells me I'm her best student. I return her smile and then rush out of the class and onto the quad. Wherever I go, my eyes scan the area for Susannah. I see her face in tons of people, but then I take a second glance and realize that it is not her.

I sit down under the big tree in the quad and wait. Only a minute later I see Kirk rush up to me with a big goofy smile on his face.

"Jesse!" He yells and hugs me vigorously. "How was your trip, buddy?"

"Fine," I say and then cut right to the chase. "Have you seen Susannah?"

"Susannah?" Kirk asks me with eyes wide. "Nope. Why, didn't you guys like talk for hours on end every night?"

When I don't respond, Kirk goes, "Oh, I'm so sorry man." He slings his arm over my shoulder and I look over at him surprised.

"What are you sorry for?"

Kirk raises his eyebrows at me. "Well," he begins uncomfortably. "Did you guys break up?"

"No," I say hotly. "Why would you think that?"

Kirk looks flustered, but then points his finger past me and says, "There she is dude!" I turn around and my eyes scan the area for _mi querida_.

I spot her, talking to some friends—her hair tossing around in the light wind. I smile and my heart begins to feel alive again. I walk over to her, watching her the whole time. There's something off about her. She looks out of place and uncomfortable.

As I approach, I catch snippets of their conversation. They're talking about their professor. I stop and stare at Susannah's beauty. I'm flabbergasted every time I look at her. Her friends leave and Susannah looks around the quad slowly. Finally I walk up to her and tap her shoulder.

"Hello, _querida_."

She spins around and glares up at me. I am taken aback. "What do you want?" She spits at me. I notice that she has a case of bad breath which points to low blood sugar. She hasn't been eating. Susannah quickly takes out a piece of gum and pops it in her mouth chewing briskly.

Something is wrong with her. She is not herself. Maybe it's just a bad mood. "Susannah, it's me, Jesse. What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?"

"Arg, Jesse, I'm fine. I'm just waiting for someone. Do you mind leaving me the hell alone?"

I take her hand in mine. "Susannah, what's the matter with you? Why haven't you returned my calls? Why are you acting like I am not your boyfriend?"

"Because you aren't, I am."

The voice is not Susannah's; it's a much deeper, kind of nasal, male voice. I drop Susannah's hand and stare at the intruder.

"Stephen, he won't leave me alone," Susannah whines while clinging to the man next to her.

"What's your problem, buddy?"

"Excuse me?" I say my eyebrows dangerously high. "Susannah, may I talk to you alone?"

"No," Stephen says while gripping Susannah's hand. _Mi querida's_ hand. I can feel the anger boiling up and I strive to repress it. I won't 'loose my cool'.

"Jesse, I don't want to be with you any more. I'm with Stephen now." Susannah looks at me and then turns to Stephen. "Let's go." They walk off holding hands, but not before Stephen can shoot me a dirty look.

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I walk back over to Kirk and feel as if I have nothing else to live for. Is this how Susannah felt when Paul and I switched personalities? Did she feel as if her whole world had come crashing down around her? In my head I'm crying, but I don't dare let down my guard in public. I am a man—a de Silva. De Silva men do not cry, period.

Kirk takes one look at me and sighs. He had been watching the whole thing. "She broke up with you…" I ignore him, pick up my stuff, and sling my backpack over my shoulder.

"Kirk, did you know about this?"

Kirk doesn't meet my gaze.

"You did?" I say hearing my own voice raise an octave. I'm on the brink of breakdown. I can feel toes dangling over the edge, but I'm not ready to fall. I clear my throat and try it again.

Kirk still doesn't look at me. I'm about to ask him again, when he suddenly bursts. "I'm so sorry man, but I saw her about two days after you left with this guy, and I walked up to her when she was alone and asked her if you guys had broken up, but she was a real bitch to me—"

Suddenly I'm holding Kirk up by his neck against the tree. "Susannah is not a bitch." I say calmly. It takes me a second to realize what I'm doing, and the moment I do, I let Kirk go and take some steps back along with some deep breaths. "I'm sorry." I say to Kirk while he bends over trying to catch his breath.

He looks up at me. "No problem man," he says easily enough. "I understand."

I smile over at him and pat him on the back. "You're a good friend, Kirk."

"Thanks, buddy! You too." Kirk pauses and then goes into the classical 'thinking' pose. "I know something that'll make you feel better."

Curiosity overriding depression, I ask, "Yeah? What?"

"Let's get you plastered."

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I deny Kirk's attempt to make me feel better, knowing very well that alcohol does nothing to cheer you up, but rather is a depressant. Plus, I need my head clear for what I have to do.

I finish going to my classes for the day and then drive home, breaking the speed limit by about twenty miles. Once I'm home I pace around my living room trying to figure out my best approach to this situation. I pace back and forth for about an hour, letting all the possibilities entry my brain. I cogitate over and over again. If I stop pacing, stop thinking about my plan of action, then I'll have to think about how I feel, and if I do that, I will break down. Be pushed over the edge and I would freefall into the dark, deep abyss of this unknown feeling.

Is this how Susannah felt? Did she ever feel hopeless? Did she not have faith in me, faith to know that I would be able to pull through? What if I damaged our relationship so badly that she couldn't stomach the thought of kissing me anymore? Whenever I kissed her, did she feel as if she would throw up, because it might be Paul on the other side of those lips?

I stop pacing, lost in my thoughts, and when the string of thoughts disperses, all these different emotions pass over me. They darken the sky and my heart. I can feel the tears begging to come out, to hit my cheeks, marking defeat.

On some level, I want to give up, just let this so-called Stephen have Susannah. Pain creeps into my soul and settles in for a nice long stay. I recoil in not only anger, but in disappointment as well. In myself, in my faith.

The tears press on, but I repress them as best as I can. _De Silva men do not cry_, I tell myself over and over again. I resume pacing and then come face to face with the wall of my living room. I have the sudden urge to hurt something. To damage something more than I feel damaged. I've been broken, so I need to break something even more.

I throw back my arm, a fist connected to my wrist, and then punch the wall as hard as I can. An unexpected shock of pain shoots through my arm and for a moment I forget about my heartache. I look down at my knuckles; they're bleeding. I sigh in frustration. That was a stupid thing to do, I say to myself and then look at the wall.

A humongous hole is gaping there; I have punched through the dry wall, and know the insulation is peeking out of the almost circular hole. I study the hole for a minute, and realize this is how my chest must look. My heart is gone, and instead of a double-pump muscle, there is pain, depression. A dull throbbing envelops me and I struggle to repress tears again.

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AN: I feel so bad for having to put Jesse through all this hardship…awww


	9. Just a Phase

AN: Sorry about the shortness of this chapter, but I wanted to get it out as soon as I could, since I won't have a lot of other time during the week or weekend. I have my state competition for Science Olympiad. Wish me luck—God knows I will need it, since I suck…

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Chapter 8

"This is just a phase."

Father Dom places a hand on my shoulder while I try to repress the ever-present tears pounding on the inside of my eyelids. I look up at him; Father Dominic smiles his fatherly smile down at me. Suddenly I feel as if it's all going to be okay. I feel as if Susannah will realize that I am the man for her. The man that makes her heart sing—makes her feel alive like no one else. She will realize that _I_ am _her_ other half.

I stare down at my folded hands resting in my lap. My knuckles are oozing blood, but I am numb to the pain.

"Just a phase," I repeat and Father Dom squeezes my shoulder.

"Yes, I truly believe that God has made this happen for a reason. You both will overcome this and it will bring you both closer together. Jesse, I know your heart must be breaking, but you cannot loose faith in yourself, Susannah, your feelings, or God. God knows what is best."

I look up at him—I'm sitting down in one of the hardwood chairs in his office at the Mission, while he's standing in front of me. Father Dominic continues trying to comfort me. "Remember Jesse, God sends hardships to those who he loves the most. He does this to try you, so when you overcome them they make you appreciate your conquest even more. Think about Job." Okay…so I kinda stole that from Philippa Gregory's novel _The Constant Princess_. Please don't prosecute me.

I shake my head at his reasoning, but slowly it begins to seep into my brain. I must not loose faith, for if I loose that, then I will have lost everything. Father Dom's hand suddenly disappears from my shoulder, and I look up to see myself sitting up in my bed, staring at the walls of my bedroom.

Sinking my face into the palms of my hands, I find my face damp, but I wipe the wetness away with disregard. (De Silva men do _not_ cry.) With a whisper I repeat what Father Dom had said to me in my dream, "Just a phase."

My pessimistic side begs to differ, but I shove it under the rock that is now my heart and then get up and look at the clock: 5:57AM. I figure I just as well get up and take a shower. It's not like I can sleep anyway.

I turn the water on hot and then let it scold my water, washing off all my despair. After my shower I wrap a towel around my waist and go into my kitchen. I pour some cereal into a bowl and then stand there against my kitchen sink and eat it. I just about drop the bowl when Kate materializes in front of me.

"Kate!" I say in surprise.

She looks at me and then blushes. I realize I only have a towel on, but I have to make sure I get some questions answered.

"Kate, why didn't you tell me what happened with Susannah?"

Kate looks down at her feet, while her fingers suffocate themselves. I frown at her and then place my bowl on the counter.

"Ekaterina tell me." Kate looks up at me when I say her full name.

"Oh God. You are just like my father." Then she dematerializes. I try calling her, but she doesn't respond.

_Meride_.

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I go to my classes in a physical sense, but mentally and emotionally I am far away, contemplating what I should do, feel, think. I filter out my professors voices' and try to remember the last time when I heard Susannah laugh.

After my last class, I wander over to the library and find a table in a corner somewhere. I get out my stuff as if to study, but sleep proves more needed and I slump in my chair and rest my head on the table.

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A gorgeous girl is walking towards me in a jammed, dark bar. I'm sipping a beer in a suit I didn't think I owned. The girl's smile is sultry and I find I just want to jump all over her. She swings her hips and I watch, mesmerized.

"Hi," she says into my ear, while I place a hand on her hip.

"Hey," I say to her. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"What do you think I like to drink?"

"A Sex on the Beach," I say enjoying the look on her face at the provocativeness of the statement.

"Sounds yummy." The girl moves closer to me and smiles up at me. "I'm Jeanie."

The next thing I know, we're in a room that looks like a hotel, and Jeanie and I are making out. Her hands are running through my hair and I'm squeezing her butt. Then my pants are gone, and she's on her knees.

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I awake in a cold sweat and find the sky beyond the windows of the library is dark. I shake my head and try not to think about what I was about to do with that girl in my dream. They are so realistic, and I can feel the emotions throbbing through me when the mood strikes. And I can feel my breath shorten and chest tighten when I feel the lust stir within me.

I furrow my brow at the impure thoughts of women running through my head. I push myself to think about Susannah, and the thought of losing her love for good sobers me. I gather my stuff quickly and leave the library. After tossing my stuff into the backseat of my car, I start the engine and make my way over to the Mission. I park a block away and then walk to the graveyard. I haven't visited in a while—I had been caught up in living life with Susannah.

After I jump the iron-rod gate, I meander through the few rows of tombs, until I come to the heart of the graveyard to my own tomb and Father Dominic's (May he rest in peace). I approach mine first and clean the leaves off of ground, then move onto Father's. I clean his too, and then sit in-between the two stone slates. Sitting Indian-style, I rest my head on my own tomb and close my eyes.

The wind nips my cheeks and I can feel the bright light of the full moon on the outsides of my eyelids. For a moment I see Susannah's face alight in front of me; she's smiling at me. I feel my lips contort into a smile of my own, but then I stop and realize that there is no one to see my smile. I stop, open my eyes, and find Kate sitting next to me—her legs tucked underneath her, while her hair is flowing in the wind. Susannah would be envious since it doesn't seem to knot.

"I'm so sorry, Jesse." I barely hear Kate's apology. Her voice is a little above a whisper you would use in a nursery. I smile over at her.

"I shouldn't have kept information from you. I just…" She pauses as if to try to put her thoughts into words. "I just didn't know how to tell you. You would have been outraged and flown back immediately. You needed to attend this conference. You needed to mingle, rub elbows—"

"—Kate, it's quite alright. And although I was upset; I can understand why you would withhold information like that for my best intentions." I stop and think about all the times I had had Susannah's best interests in mind. I _always_ put her first. I never wanted to loose our precious friendship, even though I had always wanted more. At the time I didn't know if more was possible, but then Susannah went back and saved me. It was truly selfless of her, and I am forever in debt to her, because she gave me the greatest gift of all: a life with her.

_But now I don't have her anymore_, I think bitterly. A wave of destruction passes over me, and I want to punch a hole through something again. I want to inflict pain on something else. Enough pain to momentarily forget about my own pain, which is forever growing.

I trace the scabs of my wounds on my knuckles idly and stare at the back of a tombstone in front of mine. Kate is quiet, but I can tell she wants to say something. She wants to apologize more. She needs to. I shake my head—my hair brushing across my eyelids.

Suddenly there is a hand on my forearm and I jerk my head around to look at Kate.

"Oh Jesse." She says. "You are hurting so much. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I say snappishly and then stand up and brush off my shorts even though they aren't dirty. Then I look down at Kate, whose gaze is down. I feel a stab of guilt. _She was only trying to help you, as you would have done for her._ I roll my eyes. _Apologize._

I take her hands and bring her up to her feet. "I'm sorry, Kate." I say and then continue before she can say anything. I'm not feeling up to a 'heart-to-heart' as Susannah calls them. "I am hurting. But I need to just be alone for a while. Can you understand that?"

She nods her head solemnly and my soul clings to her kindness, understanding. I feel as if I should be groveling at her feet. Here I am, no one wants me, I am a used good, and I am hopeless. However, someone is still willing to give me a chance to re-grow, give me space to find my soul and heart again.

After I heal over a little, I will enroll her help. We will find out information on Stephen and I will get Susannah to love me again.

When I look back over in Kate's direction, I see that she is gone. Walking back through the graveyard I have a flashback of my ghost days. Thinking about meeting Susannah for the first time I rub my knuckles again. I am rubbing them when all of a sudden one of the scabs comes off in my fingertips and I wince at the miniscule pain. The scab clings to the little part of my flesh it is still connected to. I pull it off, and blood bubbles up. I stick my knuckle in my mouth, thinking it will ease the pain. _So much for medical remedies._

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I awake in the middle of the night from another provocative dream with yet another woman. I sit up in my bed, all of my covers tossed to the floor. My breath is slightly askew and I feel a headache coming on. For a few precious moments all thoughts of Susannah are absent, but then they come back in such violent force, that I am on my knees in an instant.

"_Dios por favor,"_ I whisper with my hands clasped together in front of my chest. My eyes are closed and my head tilted upwards. "Please let this be just a phase."

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AN: Grrrr…not sure if this is a _good_ chapter per say, but it has some stuff that I have to put in the story. Plus, I mean, it has the namesake for the story as well. So there's my excuse for a "not-that-good" chapter/ update/ post…whatever you want to call it. Sorry.


	10. David's Observations

AN: Please don't be mad at me, I've been extremely busy, and well not really in a writing mood. But I got some reviews for my new poem I posted last night, and it just instantly put me in a good mood!

Warning: Definitely not my best, but it's necessary (unfortunately).

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Chapter 9

I go through a week, watching Susannah from afar. On some level, I know I should be mad at her, but she is _mi querida_. And I'm positive that she must be under some kind of influence. I have repeated, "She would _never_ leave me willingly," to myself so many times that I have lost count.

Drifting through my classes, I feel like I'm a ghost again. I don't matter to anyone. The only people that I talk to are Kirk, Kate, and David. On Wednesday I had cracked, and gone over to Susannah's house when I knew she should be home. But David answered the door and told me that Susannah didn't want to see me, and that I was to go away. I had backed down the steps in shock and then turned to go to my car; again willing myself not to cry.

"Jesse!" David had called out to me in a hushed tone. I turned around and saw the pity in his eyes. The anger boiled up again and I tried to repress it.

"Yes?" I had asked as David ran towards me.

"Call me later, and we can talk about what's going on." Then with not another word, David ran back to the house and I heard someone shout at him from behind the door.

Now it is Saturday, and I still have yet to call David. I don't know what he could possibly do to help me. However, I have faith in the boy. I just need to pick up the phone and dial his number.

I pace around my living room, trying not to think about all the seemingly recent memories, with the phone in my hand. My thumb is poised over the 'talk' button ready to dial David's number. I feel like I am split in two. One side says to trust him and put faith in him, after all he could be my inside link. But my other side is not so trusting. What if he is a fraud?

After twenty minutes of going back in forth in my head, I sit down and sigh loudly. Then, before I can stop myself, I dial David's cell phone number and wait for the ringing to stop.

"Hello?" greets David.

"David?"

"Jesse!" He says in a hushed whisper as if he is forbidden to talk to me. "I've been waiting for your call."

"I know—"

David interrupts me by shouting to someone on the other side of the phone. "I'm going to take this up in my room!"

I wait a moment, and can hear David run up his steps and then shut the door to what I presume is his room. "Sorry about that," he says when he comes back on the line. "I want to be sure no one would over hear me."

"Okay," I say to him and then shake my head. I know I shouldn't have called. _He doesn't know anymore than I do about Susannah's current situation. How could he? He shouldn't even know anything about it. David is only a young boy and knows nothing of the hardships of love. I shouldn't have called._ "Dav—" I begin, but he interrupts me.

"I have some interesting news."

I perk up at this and settle on the edge of my couch.

David continues. "I have been watching Susannah carefully, and I've seen that she's picked up a couple of odd idiosyncrasies." I wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn't.

"Like?"

"Oh, yeah, like bad breath."

"She could just not be eating, David! She might have low blood sugar!" I say hotly, suddenly not liking him for accusing Susannah of being anything but perfect.

"Well, that's what I thought at first, but then I watched it more acutely, and it doesn't seem to go away. But I know she knows she had it, because she is going through a pack of gum a day."

I am silent. She popped a piece of gum into her mouth when I was talking to her when I got back from D.C. Maybe David has something.

"What else?" I ask him.

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It turns out David has observed that she gets angry really fast, kind of like a 'roid' rage. But he knows for a fact that the only one in the household popping steroids is Bradley. Apparently she was the one who yelled at David in the house after I had come over. We talk for a while, and David promises to do some more research and observe her every chance he gets. In the mean time, he wants me to get in touch with CeeCee and see if I can get her to come back to Carmel and help me out.

"She always thought you two were the perfect couple," David assures me while I am silent, but not in doubt.

After I hang up with David, I pace around some more. When I finally look at the clock, I realize that it is well past midnight. Sighing, I head to my bedroom, while pulling off my clothes.

Finally collapsing onto my bed, I feel my eyelids closing heavily. However, sleep is elusive. I pace back and forth in my mind. _What if this isn't just a phase_, I ask myself. _What if Susannah really doesn't want my love any more? What if things are really over between Susannah and I? And I just have to appreciate that. I have to make sure that I give her that wish. But the question is; would I be able to let her go?_

I sigh loudly and roll my eyes. I need sleep—undisturbed sleep without thinking about anything or anyone. Rolling over on my side I try to shut my mind off, but needless to say, it doesn't work. I try to continue to shut off my mind for maybe an hour or so, until I finally just give up and think. Letting my thoughts and worries carry me, I finally drift off to sleep.

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I can feel someone on top of me—rocking on my pelvis, and for a second I panic. I open my eyes ready to throw the person off of me; however, when I see the person on top of me, I almost pass out.

Susannah is naked and rocking on top of me. It takes me a second to register the fact, and then when I do, I gasp. _Querida_ is making love to me! I just about sit up, when I feel Susannah's palms on my chest, her fingers are digging into my skin. She rocks faster, and I loose myself in her moans. The passion is making the fire within me up to an inferno and I just about yelp in pain. It's so tense, and I just want for it to break. I _need_ to be free of this ever-mounting passion that Susannah is making whelm inside me.

Finally I feel the release, and Susannah's muscles shudder around me. "Oh Pa—"

I awake and sit up suddenly; an instant headache fills my brain. However, my thoughts are elsewhere. _What the hell had that been?_ I get up and begin to pace. _It had been so real; I had felt Susannah's palms on my chest, her breaths tickling my face. She had been on top of me; I could have sworn it. But I am alone now_.

I shake my head and then drag my hands through my hair. "Meirde." Thinking about my "dream" just makes me even more confused and I sit down, trying to work things out in my head. I shiver at the memory of seeing Susannah's bare body. I force my hands together and grasp them tightly, as if not to let myself be swept into another "dream".

Someone's hand brushes against my shoulder, and I jump up off of my bed and over to the other side of the room. When I look back, I see a very amused Kate. I can tell she's trying not to laugh, by holding her hand over her mouth. I grimace and then walk back over to her.

"Oh Jesse! You look like you've seen a ghost!" Kate says, and I look at her strangely. Then she smacks her hand on her forehead. "I'm dumb," I hear her whisper to herself and then force a smile onto her lips. "What's wrong?" She asks me immediately. She can tell by my aura.

I shake my head, indicating that I don't want to talk about it, but she pushes me.

"Come on, Jesse," Kate says while standing up and sliding her arm through mine. "You can tell me. You look really freaked out."

When I don't give into her, she prods me in the side with her finger. "Come on, we're going out for a walk."

"W-what?"

"Don't question me. I know you had a weird dream. And if you aren't going to tell me about it, then I guess I'll just help you out any other way I can. Plus, I know for a fact that walking always relaxes me, so maybe it'll help you, because from what I can tell, you are pretty jumpy." Kate walks me out my door without any thoughts of my current wardrobe.

Once we are outside, I relish in the cool night air. Strangely enough, it's not your typical Carmel night, it's warmer than usual, but enjoyable. Kate walks me around, and I follow without any complaints. I don't stop thinking, but soon enough, I feel my muscles starting to relax. Kate's arm is still slung through mine, and she sighs as she looks up at the harvest moon.

"Feeling better?" She asks me while I look up at the moon too.

I nod my head, not wanting to break the symphony of the night. Looking at Kate's face, I see her smile.

"Wanna head back?"

After checking my watch, I nod again. It's getting late, and I need to be sharp in the morning.

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I awake the to smell of eggs and bacon. I follow my nose to my kitchen, where I see Kate sitting at my table watching as the frying pan dumps the eggs onto a plate. Her eyes flick to my while I walk in and I see the pan fumble a little. A small portion of the eggs tumbles to the floor, and Kate lets a curse slip.

Soon I am sitting and eating delicious eggs and bacon.

"Good morning," Kate says while leaning over the table towards me, her elbows resting on the table. "Feeling better?"

"Much. Thank you, Kate. I don't think I would have been able to get back to sleep without that walk."

Kate just smiles at me, while I stuff some egg in my mouth.

"So, when are you going to call this Cee-Cee?"

"You were listening in on my conversation with David?" I ask her through a mouthful of bacon.

Kate just nods her head and says, "But of course. Don't avoid the question."

"I don't know. I need to find out more about Susannah's 'condition'."

"Okay, and how do you plan about doing that?"

I shake my head. "I have no idea."

"Internet?"

I shake my head. "Not until I get some more ground work uncovered."

"Old texts?"

I nod my head. Most likely that would prove to be more helpful, since I couldn't really go around spying on Susannah myself. But I could always send Kate to do it.

"Could you possibly—"

"I was wondering when you were going to ask me, Jesse. Gosh, take for-ever!" Kate smiles at me and I give her my thanks after swallowing a gulp of orange juice.

Once I finish my breakfast, I rush to get ready for church. When I come out of the bathroom, Kate is gone and the dishes are done. I thank her silently then head out to my car.

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AN: Okay, so I know this isn't a very good sequel so far. But I mean, it is really hard to write in Jesse's POV; however, that isn't a good excuse, is it? Whatever. I'll hopefully get this next chapter out soon. But don't hold it against me if I don't.

Also, check out my first poem I posted yesterday! _From Beginning to End_


	11. Possession Part One

Chapter 10

I walk into the Mission. I'm late for the service, but luckily no one notices me. Sitting down in the back row of pews, I try not to make any noise.

"Giving," the new, young priest says, his voice shaking, "is very important. Being selfless is an important part of life." He stops, then adds, "very important," in an undertone.

I listen for the rest of the sermon, tolerating the young man's uncertainty. I knead my hands together, waiting for the service to come to a close. Finally, the end prayer comes and I bow my head, along with the rest of the congregation.

"Dear _Dios_," I say silently then stop. For a first, I don't have anything to say to God. Nothing seems to be looking up in my life. It all seems to have "gone to shit" as Susannah used to say to me.

Looking back up, I see that the rest of the congregation has left the church. I slip away from my pew with a silent "sorry", and then make my way over to the confessional box. Pulling open the door to the box, I look inside and realize that it's been a while since I had last confessed. I guess I had forgotten God, in the happiness I had felt when with Susannah. But now, _Dios_ was making me pay for my forgetfulness. He had taken away Susannah; _what else was there to take?_

"I'm not sure of my last confession," I tell the priest, whose name I've forgotten. I curse myself silently for being so careless, and then slap myself mentally for cursing in church.

"It's okay, son," the priest says. "Tell me, what's bothering you?"

"Um," I begin, and then stop. Apparently, I'm rusty. "I've been having dreams," I blurt out.

"About what?"

"About inappropriate acts with other women than my girlfriend."

I heard the priest sigh. A sudden pang of guilt washes over me. "Well some could argue that that is only normal for a man of your age."

"But they are so real, and they've started coming only recently. Sometimes I wonder if, in my dream, I'm another person…"

"Five Hail Mary's for each dream." I nod my head, even though he can't see me through the screen. _Sounds about right._ "Is there more, my son?"

I pause for a moment and think. "Yes…"

"Go on."

"I'm having difficulties with my girlfriend. I went to D.C. for a trip for a week, and when I came back, she was distant. And when I confronted her, she told me that she was dating someone else. Beforehand she had been really worried about something like this happening, so it doesn't make sense that she would be the one to turn this way…" I end my rambling, immediately regretting bringing it up.

The priest is silent for a minute, as if contemplating my dilemma. When he doesn't say anything, I press him. "Father…?"

"Sorry, I, I don't really have much experience with women." The priest sighs.

I'm speechless and, well, embarrassed. I shouldn't have brought it up…

However, the priest rescues us from our awkward silence, "I think we're done now." I thank him and then leave without another word.

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I kneel in the back row of the pew for a while, saying over hundred Hail Mary's, to be on the safe side, since I haven't been really counting how many _inappropriate_ dreams I've had. But for some reason I remember certain details from some of them. Like the way Susannah's hair had looked when she had been, well, _cough_, _cough_. And how the touch of one of the woman's flesh on mine had made my blood pound in my veins.

I sigh after about my fiftieth Hail Mary. I sit back in the pew and close my eyes, imagining Susannah's face in front of mine. She is smiling at me; here green eyes beckoning me to come to her. To kiss her full on the lips and take her hand in mine. In my imagination I lead her to my bedroom…

Opening my eyes the moment things begin to get inappropriate, I shake my head and rush out of the Mission. I am blushing with embarrassment, and all the novices that see me on my way out look at me curiously.

Once I find my way back to my car and onto the road, I sigh in relief. Somehow my car finds it's way to the Coffee Clutch. I don't know why, but I find myself inside and ordering a coffee in a matter of seconds from absently mindedly parking my car.

"Jesse?" I turn around at the sound of the uncertain voice. Bobbed white hair and purple irises greet me.

"CeeCee!" I say while almost dropping my coffee. "Oops." I put my coffee on a nearby table and turn once back to CeeCee. "Would you like to sit?"

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"Wow." This is all CeeCee has to say after I have told her what has happened with Susannah and I. "So you want me to do a little recon work?"

"I wouldn't necessarily put it that way per se…" I begin, but CeeCee cuts me off.

"She won't see me. David called me a couple nights ago and told me it was urgent that I come down, but when I went to see Suze, she wouldn't see me."

"I am so sorry CeeCee, I know how that must have felt," I say while putting a hand on her slender shoulder which is covered in a lavender sweater, which looks stunning on her.

"I had just thought she was in a bitchy mood, but from what you've told me, she sounds more like she is possessed more than anything…" CeeCee stops and then stares over my shoulder. I glance over it, but there's no one there. Carefully I take a sip of my coffee, which is still hot. "That's it!" CeeCee suddenly gasps in realization.

I just about pour hot coffee all down my shirt. "What? What? What is it, CeeCee?" I ask desperately after putting my coffee back down on the table, my curiosity rising.

"Why didn't I think of it before?" She mumbles to herself.

"Think of what?" I say almost through gritted teeth.

"I have to go!" Getting up, her chair falls onto the floor. "I'll call you later!" And without another word, CeeCee disappears with a white flash.

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"Is everything okay?" Kate asks me while I'm driving back to my house after getting some groceries. My mind has been on overload ever since CeeCee ran out of the Coffee Clutch. I need to know what she was thinking.

"I saw CeeCee today, in the Coffee Clutch…" I say while staring at the back end of the pick-up in front of me.

"I love that place!" Kate squeals, "They have the absolutely best cappuccinos ever!" I look over at her, sitting with her legs crossed in my passenger seat. "Sorry," she mumbles, "So what did this Cee-Cee person have to say?"

"I told her everything I knew and what had happened, and then she thought about it for a minute, and then she said she realized something, got up, and just left."

"Did she say anything else?"

"She said she would call me later…" I respond while slamming on my brakes.

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After cheating death, I drive home carefully and Kate helps me unpack my groceries. However she drops two of the eight bags, one of which that had eggs. I tell her it is perfectly fine, but she just sits down and begins to cry.

"I hate being a ghost," she wails while her shoulders heave and her breath comes ragged.

I kneel in front of her, unsure of what exactly to do. "I know you do."

"No you don't!" Kate looks at me, her eyes glistening with tears, tears that aren't real. "I do know. I know how much you unlike being a ghost, because I used to be one myself as well."

Kate snorts, "That's impossible Jesse."

"I beg to differ." Kate scoffs and then wipes her eyes clear of her salty, non-existent tears.

"Tell me," she says quietly.

"I was a ghost for about a hundred and fifty years before I met Susannah. I was killed in her bedroom, so I stayed there for most of my ghost-hood, not knowing where else that felt like home, if you will.

"When Susannah's family moved into the old boarding house I met Susannah, who could see me…I still remember what she looked like the first time I met her. She was beautiful, she still is, and the sun from the bay window I was sitting in front of was radiating her skin and chestnut hair, which fell to her shoulders in waves.

"From the moment I saw her, I knew that she was perfect in every way, but I never imagined that she would be able to see me. Once her mother showed her around her new and very pink room, Susannah looked over towards me sitting on the seat of the bay window and frowned.

""Who the hell are you?' she had said, or something of the like. I had glanced behind me, uncertain if she could really see me sitting there. But when I turned back, she was staring right at me. My heart jumped in my chest, someone could finally see me.

"After that moment, I felt like I was a whole other being. I was a ghost, but I didn't feel like a ghost. Susannah could see me, and other people too, like Father Dominic, God rest his soul." I pause for a moment in my recollection—giving Kate a chance to understand.

"After a while, a most wonderful time with Susannah, helping her fight her battles, Susannah found a way to go back in time and rescue me. She was under the impression that if she stopped my killer from finishing his act, that I would live a happier life alive, then as a ghost.

"Her mind and heart were in the right place, but fate had a different plan. I suppose we were destined to be together, because something happened, and Susannah had to shift out of my world and back into hers, with me in her arms.

"My ghost reconnected with my body that Susannah had brought back, and here I am…"

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After talking with Kate in great detail about my life and the like, she bid me good night and I took a long, hot shower. While stepping out of the shower, my foot slips on the tile floor and I fall on my back, my head nicking the corner of the counter.

There is fog around my ankles when I look down. When I look up, a starry night sky winks at me. I shake my head, not understanding where I am, but then I look around and see the hallway. The hallway lined with doors. _Shadowland_.

It is cold, and I wrap my expensive leather jacket around me tightly. _Where is she?_ I rock on the balls of my feet to pass the time until she shows her face, the beautiful face that will be mine in time. _She just needs to realize that I love her._

Finally, I see someone making his or her way through the fog. When the fog clears, green eyes pierce mine and I smirk. _I knew she'd come._

There is a loud ringing and I sit up, instantly regretting it. _Nombre de Dios! What the hell happened?_ I get up timidly and look at the back of my head in the mirror. There is a big gash, but it has stopped bleeding. I'll need to dress it soon, before it becomes infected, I think and then hiss as the shrill of the ringing comes back to haunt me. I look around and strain my ears. Then stupidly, I realize that it is the phone.

Carefully, I walk out of the bathroom and walk quickly into my bedroom, grabbing the phone.

"Jesse?"

"CeeCee!" I say happily and then cringe as my head pounds. "Uhh."

"You okay over there?"

"Yes, I just 'bumped' my head, if you will."

"Oof," CeeCee says sympathetically. She pauses for a minute and I prod her with a, "Well…?"

"Oh yeah," CeeCee apologizes quickly. There is a ruffle of papers in the background as she flips through a book. Then, and I can practically hear her smiling, CeeCee teases me. "So, I bet you are wondering why I'm calling…huh?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am."

"Well Mr. De Silva, I have some pretty intense news. You sittin' down?"

I lie, "Of course."

"IthinkSuzeisbeingpossessedbyademon."

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AN: Uh oh, what will happen next? (Hopefully this is the point in the story where my writing will get better…sorry about the last 9 chapters…they blew, I realize.)

And sorry for being absent, AP tests and now I have till July to find out just how stupid I really am…sigh

Thanks for reading!

Sarah


	12. Possession Part Two

Chapter 11

"Possessed by a WHAT?" I ask CeeCee, my head pounding even more violently than before.

"A demon," CeeCee says meekly.

"And why would you think that?"

"Well, I've done some research and she has a lot of the 'symptoms' if you will." CeeCee stops talking, awaiting a comment from me. All breath leaves my body. "Er, Jesse?" CeeCee prods.

"I have to go," I say and hang up the phone. I slump onto my bed.

_Susannah possessed by a demon? How could that happen? Why would that happen? She's a shifter; she deals with ghosts, not demons. _ I shake my head and try to think of what 'symptoms' would be associated with being possessed by a demon. _Isn't Susannah supposed to be 'immune' to things like this, because she's a shifter?_

I sigh and put a hand on the back of my head. The gash there is immensely deep and I shudder. Maybe I should dress it now, I think while clutching my head some more. Then I feel the trickle of blood run through my fingers and yelp, startled.

Getting off of my bed, I rush into my bathroom and stick my head in the shower. After soaking my head, I dry it carefully with a towel. When I look at the towel, I realize that it probably wasn't a good idea to dry it with a WHITE towel. However, I shrug and dress my wound properly, trying not to think about how CeeCee thinks _mi querida_ is possessed by a demon.

Once out of my bathroom and dressed in my boxers, Kate appears behind me.

"My God! What the hell did you do to your head Jesse?" She says while placing her hands on my shoulders.

"I slipped and fell," I say not really in the mood to talk about how stupid I can be.

"Jesus, that looks really bad…Did you do this yourself?" Kate asks.

"Of course I did it myself!"

"I meant the dressing, you loser," Kate says with a sigh and then turns me to face her. "What's wrong. I can tell something's wrong. Your aura is so messed up."

"Er…"

"Come on," Kate says, "Spit it out!"

"I talked to CeeCee."

"And?" Kate says excitedly.

"ShethinksSusannahisbeingpossessedbyademon." I say quickly in a whisper, not wanted to say it too loud, for fear that it might be true.

"Wow." Kate says dumbfounded. She sits on my bed and I begin to pace around my room. "What the hell are you going to do, Jesse?"

"I have no idea…" I say lost in my thoughts.

"I guess I should have thought about that possibility," Kate says while putting her head in her hands.

Jerked out of my thoughts, I ask, "What do you mean?"

"Well, Stephen _is_ a demon hunter."

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I am throwing stones at David's window. This is how desperate I am; I have resulted in throwing stones at a person's window in the middle of the night like I was in love with them. _What has happened to me?_

"You are acting like a crazy person, you know that right?" Kate whispers in my ear, as if anyone can hear her except me.

I hiss at her, and chuck another small pebble. This one hits the spot, and after a moment a very disgruntled David opens up the window with a, "What the hell?"

"Oh! Jesse!" David whispers. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you, David. And I do realize that it is late, but this is about—"

"—Suze?"

I look at him surprised, "Yes."

"Give me a minute."

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"Actually it all clicks now. I had been thinking something along those lines, but it just proves that CeeCee knows how to research better than I do," David says while sitting in the front seat of my car. His hands are crossed, and there are bags under his eyes. His red hair brushing his eyelashes.

I have just told him about CeeCee and mine's suspicions and he agrees with us.

"I'll do whatever you need me to do, Jesse. I hate seeing Suze like this…it's unhealthy and unnatural. She belongs with you." David puts a hand on my shoulder. Somehow I'm comforted by this, and I relax my tensed muscles just a little bit.

"I really like this kid," Kate says from the backseat and try not to acknowledge her. I think David's dealing with enough right now, and does not need ghosts shoved down his throat so late at night.

"So what do you think I should do?" I ask him.

"Well since Stephen is a 'demon hunter' we need to tell him, because it doesn't seem to me that he knows what's up with Suze," David says.

"That's a great idea," Kate tells me and attempts to clap David on the shoulder, but he just gives me a weird look and shivers.

"There's a ghost in the car, isn't there?" He asks me.

"Yes," I say carefully.

"He or she just tried to touch me, right?"

"Her name is Kate Turner. She died recently—"

"—She went to RLS and was a beauty queen," David finishes for me. It's amazing how much the little kid knows.

"Omigawd, that is so creepy!" Kate squeals and looks at the back of David's head questioningly.

"Yes," I say to David.

"She is really pretty, I remember her picture in the newspaper."

"Awww," Kate says, "He said 'is' and not 'was'. Jesse, tell him I think I love him."

"Um, I don't know if that would be a good thing or not…"

"What?" David asks me.

"Oh, nothing, I was just talking to Kate. Sorry. She says thank you for calling her pretty," I say trying to recover.

"Oh," David blushes a little and Kate sighs with a smile.

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The next day on campus, I seek out Stephen. But he's always with Susannah, and I have to concentrate all my being on not attacking him when he kisses Susannah on the lips. The lips that are supposed to be only for me…

I try to find him alone, but it is near impossible. I settle for leaving campus without my only duty fulfilled. Storming through my door, Kate materializes beside me and places a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

"No," I respond and jerk my shoulder away from her hand. "I could not get Stephen alone today! Susannah and him were always together! Always kissing one another!" I slump against my couch, and whisper, "Why doesn't she love me anymore?"

"Oh Jesse," Kate says suddenly by my knees. "You know she's not herself. She's being possessed, Jesse. Possessed, that means that she can't control her actions or thoughts. Suze still loves you; you're the only man for her, I promise."

I let out a yell and then punch the pillow beside me multiple times while cussing violently. I've officially lost it.

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The next night, CeeCee, David, Kate and I are walking through the streets. Just walking, nothing else to do, nowhere else to go. I'm also, more dangerously, thinking. Contemplating what would happen if I just died all over again. _Would I become a ghost again, or would I move onto the other dimension?_

I don't recognize where we are, but I notice a couple walking ahead of me. It's Susannah and Stephen. I grimace and try to control the anger boiling up within me at the sight of them holding hands. CeeCee also notices and puts a hand on my shoulder as if to hold me back.

"Let's follow them," Kate says from behind me.

"Let's follow them," I repeat for David and CeeCee, both of which cannot hear poor Kate. Stephen and Susannah walk down the sidewalk, never looking back at us. Then they turn in a dark alley and after a moment we follow down the dark alley.

Then there is a yell and a high-pierced-screech-of-a-voice saying something in Latin.

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AN: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I know, I know, I'm the worst person in the world. But since I'm done with school and everything, I should be updating quicker! Although I can't necessarily promise everyday…

Now you can go ahead and yell at me for the cliffy.


	13. Dark Alley

AN: I love it how people review. Thanks a lot. Here's the next chapter!

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Chapter 12

"_Denique ego vos O everto venator! Ego exspecteram meus vicis tamen vae ego vos irretitus. Trucido vos ego vadum pro totus meus frater quisnam vos revertat vos nequam homo sapien."_ Is what is hissed into the darkness from _mi_ Susannah's beautiful lips. However, this is not my Susannah; she doesn't know any Latin. CeeCee, David, Kate, and I see, with some difficulty, Susannah cowering over Stephen's stiff body. A small light is dancing off of Susannah's eyes, and they glow as red as the center of an inferno. My heart tears into tiny pieces.

The alley we are all in is dark, and I cannot even see CeeCee's, whom I'm standing next to, lavender eyes. There is a little light filtering in from the street, which we came from. Shadows make up Susannah and Stephen about halfway down the alley.

"What did she say?" David whispers to CeeCee.

"I think it was something like, 'Finally, I have you, demon hunter! I have been waiting, something-something trapped. Slay you, I will, for my brothers who you have deported, you worthless human being.'" Kate whistles.

"Wow, CeeCee," I say admiringly. "I didn't know you knew Latin."

"Well," CeeCee begins to gush, but then Stephen begins speaking in a rough bark.

"Go fuck yourself, Cockroach! _Vos vadum nunquam victum mihi!"_

"So you think, but tonight," the demon within Susannah says, "_Callide_ will conquer you, and spill your blood! All _Callide's_ brothers down in Hell will rejoice and tear the flesh from your blood-caked carcass. _Angra Mainyu_ will be so pleased with me once _Callide_ has rid us of you."

"Wow, this is so _Constantine_," Kate says from behind me. "But who is Callide and Angra whoever?"

Then Susannah attacks Stephen.

I shout and run towards them. Susannah is slashing at Stephen's clothing, desperately trying to get at his skin, while Stephen has a firm hold on her neck, keeping her at bay. Stephen's hand slips, and Susannah's claws sink into his skin. He yelps while Susannah smirks.

David comes up behind me, but I push him back and say, "Keep CeeCee safe. I will take care of this." David looks up at me, fire in his eyes, but he obeys me and steps back.

I take a hold on Susannah's waist and begin to pull her back. But she somehow gets out of my grasp and smirks at me.

"You again," she hisses at me, her breath making me cringe.

"Yes, demon, it is I, and I would appreciate it if you would go back to Hell!"

"Fuck you, Mediator," she shouts and claws at my chest. She rips my T-shirt off and then turns back to Stephen, who has gotten up off of the ground and gotten ready to fight.

I call for my ghost 'friends' in my head, and in an instant they appear.

"Heya Jesse."

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Peter and Michael step forward to greet me, but then they see Susannah and they stop. They realize that something is wrong.

"I need you two, to hold her down, while I help Stephen," I jerk my head towards Stephen, so they know whom I'm talking about.

"Sure thing Jesse!" They chorus and then attack Susannah. Without even lifting a finger, they both have her pinned to the ground and for a moment I feel the need to kill Peter and Michael, but then I remember that this is not _mi querida_ that they are harming. I glance over at Stephen, who was ready to fight Susannah. He is startled at the sudden domination of Susannah.

Making sure that they have a strong hold on Susannah, I rush over to Stephen making sure he's okay.

"What the hell did you do, man?" Stephen asks me.

"I'm a mediator and I have ghostly friends, if you will."

"Man!" He says, "I'm a demon hunter and I got nothing!"

I chuckle at him, and then ask, "Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay, buddy?" Stephen asks rudely. "The bitch totally got me!" He looks down at his side, which is bleeding profusely.

"Why don't you go over to CeeCee," I point her out, "and she'll help you out with that."

Stephen says something like, "Thanks," and walks off towards CeeCee, and I can swear I see her blush when he greets her.

I turn back to Peter, Michael, and the demon. Her eyes are still glowing red, but now they look a little frightened. Then I realize that she can't see Peter and Michael. I smile down at her.

"Are you comfortable?" I ask her.

She looks up at me with a deathly stare. "You swine!" She shouts.

"That's all she's got?" Peter, only a young teenager from the eighties, asks.

"Dude," Michael, a twenty-three year old whom died in 1976, says, "She needs some practice on her insults. What are we back in ancient Rome or somethin'?"

I turn to Peter and Michael. "I will need your help in transporting her to my house. I need to do some research." They nod and then begin to work on levitating Susannah's body up in the air. I look around to find CeeCee, Stephen, and David, but they're nowhere to be seen.

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When we finally get back to my house, I bind Susannah tightly with ropes to my kitchen table. Peter and Michael promise to keep an eye on her, while I go into the next room and get on the Internet.

Once I'm logged on, I bring up and type in "Spanish exorcisms".

"Now, is no time to be surfin' the net, Jesse," Kate says from behind me.

Without turning around to face her, I say, "How nice of you to drop by. How are CeeCee, Stephen, and David?"

Kate sits down on the desk that my computer is on and studies her nails, "They're just peachy. Stephen's wound isn't that bad, but CeeCee has him in her hotel room, on the bed, making sure that he doesn't go anywhere."

"And David?" I ask as Google spits about a million hits at me.

"I walked him back to his house."

"Was he aware of the fact that you were with him?"

"Yeah, of course. I told him so." Kate says matter-of-factly.

I stop mid-click of my mouse, "What do you mean, 'told him so'?"

"I told him that I would walk him home," Kate shakes her head at me and mumbles something under her breath.

"How did you manage to do that?"

"I kinda really wanted to talk to him, so I kinda just imagined that he could hear me through his head, and vwalla! He heard me loud and clear. Although, he had to like actually talk to me, I couldn't hear his thoughts, but he could hear mine. Creepy, huh?"

I stare at her in shock.

"So, whatcha looking at?" Kate says and glances at the screen. "Exorcisms?" She asks me with a quizzical glance.

"I need to exorcise the demon out of Susannah's body."

"Oh…and you expect to do that with some Spanish chanting, cow blood, and candles?"

"Maybe," I say to her. It sounds ridicules when Kate sums it up so shortly. I shake my head at myself, and then place my elbows on the desk. _What am I doing? I can't exorcise a demon out of Susannah's body! I don't even know if this will work! What if I mess up and harm Susannah some how?_

I gasp out loud, and Kate gives me a weird look. "You okay?" She asks.

I run out of the room and into my bathroom. Splashing cold water on my face doesn't do much, but it gives me a little bit of time to think about how things could mess up for me.

"Stop thinking like that." Kate is suddenly sitting on the counter, which I am leaning on. "You need to have faith if you are even going to attempt something like this!"

I nod my head knowing that she is right. _Padre would want me to have faith. He would instill faith in me so I was sure that what I was doing was the right thing. I yearn for his insight on life._

"I have faith in you, Jesse," Kate says while placing a manicured hand on my shoulder. I look up at her and smile.

"Thank you."

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I go over my checklist again in my head and make sure I have all thirteen candles and my chant perfect. Then I nod my head, and Kate makes the lights dim. Peter and Michael are standing in the doorway of the kitchen, staying to see the show.

Susannah stares at me, her eyes red and glowing. She doesn't say anything, but I can tell that the demon knows he or she is defeated.

I begin to smear the cow blood on my kitchen floor around the table, which Susannah is tied to. I take one last glance back at Kate, Peter, and Michael. Peter and Michael give me thumbs up; Kate gives me a smile and I return it. Turing around, I face Susannah again, and I am scared for her life. _What if I do mess it up somehow? Would Susannah ever be the same if I did it right? Would she still be my Susannah?_

Grasping onto the thought of seeing _mi querida's_ eyes again, I step forward and take in a deep breath.

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AN: Sorry that my chapters are getting shorter, but I'm trying to make them better. (Hopefully they don't suck too bad.)


	14. An Exorcism Gone Wrong

Chapter 13

"¡Oh, guerrero plagando ésta tierra humilde! Vete ahora, pues el infierno está llamando tu nombre, y nosotros anunciámos tu salida. ¡Tu tiempo se ha acabado, y el cuerpo en que te hospedas está rechazando tu interjección diabólica! ¡Sal ya, o sé salvo en el Cielo!" I chant two times making sure I pronounce everything perfectly with my Spanish accent. The words are harsh, but I love how my native tongue flows from my mouth. It gives me courage that what I'm doing is the right thing.

I stop and blow out ten of the candles, leaving only three, then, I repeat the chant in Spanish for the third time:

"Oh, heathen, plaguing this humble earth! Leave now, for Hell is calling your name, and we are ushering you out. You are wearing your stay thin, and the body you are residing in is rejecting your demonic interjection! Leave now or forever be saved in Heaven!"

Suddenly Susannah is screaming and all of the candles are out, leaving the room in total darkness, and then only light I can see is the light glowing from the demon's red eyes.

My stomach feels as if it's about to fall out and I have a very bad feeling about what just happened. Then my fears are assured when the table breaks and the demon leaps off of it.

The demon laughs a harsh choppy laugh. "You fool!" It screeches at me, "You have exorcised your precious human companion! She is now doing the Limbo, and you will never stop _Callide_!" I am too stunned at my failure that I don't even move an inch when the demon runs out of my house and into the darkness of the early morning.

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"What the fuck was that?" Kate asks me, after Peter and Michael leave voluntarily to look for the demon. Her aura is glowing and she's breathing heavily. She's scared.

I don't respond to Kate's outburst. I just sit down in the middle of my kitchen and place my head in my hands. _What have I done?_

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"Where's Suze?" CeeCee asks me when I walk into her hotel room after Peter and Michael came back to my house with no news of the demon.

"I have failed," I say to her my shoulders slumped. I have no idea how to fix this travesty and I don't know what I did wrong.

"WHAT?" CeeCee shouts at me her arms flinging out. "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"I exorcised Susannah's spirit instead of the demons, I think."

"How'd you manage to do that?" Stephen asks walking from the bedroom to the living area, which CeeCee and I are occupying.

"I am not sure," I say truthfully in response to his question.

"Oh, well this is one hell of a pickle we have ourselves in," Stephen says, and CeeCee looks over at him, and then glances at me. I can tell she's trying not to laugh.

"The demon, who has been occupying Susannah's body, said that her soul is doing the 'limbo'…Do you have any idea what that could mean, CeeCee?" I say while sitting down on one of the couches.

"I can look up some info on it," CeeCee says excitedly. I glance up at her and nod my head, silently thanking her. Then I look at Stephen, who is gazing at CeeCee. I shake my head and get up. "I need to be alone for a while," I say to CeeCee, whom I know will understand.

"I will call you if I find anything worth-while."

I nod my head to CeeCee first, and then to Stephen, who only glances in my direction.

I leave the hotel room and listen to the click of the door close behind me_. How will I ever right this?_

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After I return to my apartment, I pace around, trying to think up of someone or some way that will bring my Susannah back to me. I refuse to believe that she is completely lost to me. We are meant to be together. Through thick and thin. And I am aware that we have not made this pact with God yet, but we have made it with each other: Till death do us part. I absolutely refuse, refuse I say, to believe that mi querida is…

I trail off in my own thoughts, collapsing onto the couch, holding my tongue. She isn't. She cannot be. Then my thoughts take over my soul, and I am suddenly in Shadowland again.

"I hate this place," I spit and begin to pace around, thinking of how I will get myself out of this place.

"Well, lookie here. If it isn't Rico."

Spinning around, I already know who it is. His cold voice can never be mistaken, nor masked.

"Slater," I greet him harshly, with a curt nod and a grimace.

"Whatcha doin' up here in my turf?" Slater asks while stepping forward.

"This is not your 'turf'. This is a plane. You cannot rule everything," I say suddenly remembering all the pain he put Susannah and I through personally. Revenge would be oh so sweet.

"Not even my own thoughts…" Slater says somewhat disgusted with himself. I find a small smirk climb onto my face, but I try to hide it, deigning to be the bigger man. However, that is impossible, when Slater is not even a man. Slater turns to me, his nostalgic moment forgotten, "You didn't answer my question."

No way was I telling Slater about my problem with the demon and Susannah. No way would I let my pride suffer because I've messed up horribly, and quite possibly lost Sus…No!

"What's happened to Susannah?" Slater asks me as if reading my mind.

I look at him blankly, trying my best to suppress the urge to just begin pounding my clenched fist into his face. Oh, how I would revel in the sound of his nose crunching underneath my knuckles.

"You gunna give me an answer, de Silva? Or just wait until it gets worse?" Slater says forcefully.

"I believe…" I trial off. Looking into Slater's face, I notice the look of triumph in his face. But for the better of Susannah, I go on. Maybe Slater can actually help somehow. "I believe I have exorcised Susannah."

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"You did what?" Slater yells while coming at me and grabbing my shirt by the lapels. I brush his hands away angrily.

"I didn't mean to."

"Hopefully not, or you are not the man I thought you were," Slater spits at me and takes a step back. He breathes in, and then looks at me while he exhales. His blue eyes pierce my gaze, and make me feel insecure about my abilities to beat him bloody.

I shake my head and the feeling disappears, which makes me feel much better about this situation.

"Tell me exactly what went down," Slater says sternly.

"Can we leave this place, first?" I ask him, looking around a little.

"Is poor Rico, scared?" Slater smirks.

"No. The longer I remain here, the larger my headache is when I return to our normal plane," I say somewhat smugly.

"See your point," Slater says, and then in the blink of an eye, I'm back on my couch. My eyes dart around the dark room, searching for Slater. Then the lights come on, and I see Slater leaning up against the wall in front of me. He's nowhere near a light-switch I notice.

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"Why didn't you just let this Stephen guy deal with the exorcism?" Slater asks me thirty minutes after our return from Shadowland. I have just finished telling him 'what went down'.

"I thought I could handle it. I didn't know that it was possible to remove the other spirit within the body," I reply truthfully.

"Of course it is!" Slater says heatedly. "Don't you know anything?"

"I'm afraid the human side of Mediation is new to me still."

"I can tell," Slater mutters, while getting up and pacing the living room. I watch him, and notice how we are a lot alike.

"If you are just going to be here to insult me, then you can just leave," I say suddenly snapping.

"And what? Let you and Webb deal with this catastrophe on your own?" Slater says while glaring back at me. "I'm sorry, but no matter how much research the girl does, she will never catch up with me. Plus, I'm thinking that you have to have my certain _skills_ to pull this off."

I cock my head at me. "Pull what off?"

"Getting Susannah back," Slater breathes.

"Oh."

There is only the sound of our breathing and Slater's footsteps on the hardwood floor for a moment. Then Slater turns to me.

"I'll stop with the insulting," he says while trying to grasp some of his leftover pride.

"_Gracias_," I say and he rolls his eyes at my native tongue.

"Let's go get Webb."

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Slater and I are in the elevator riding up to CeeCee's hotel room. The sound of elevator music failing to sooth my tensed muscles. I still feel completely comfortable around Paul. I cannot seem to be able to put my guard down. At the sound of cracking knuckles I quickly glance over at Slater and realize that it was him. He's nervous too.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your _friend_, Jesse?" Kate says into my ear, and I just about jump a mile from shock.

"You just about gave me a heart attach!" I exhale.

"You're not _that_ old," Kate giggles, and then turns to Paul, giving him one of her beautiful smiles.

"I'm Kate," she says while holding out her hand.

Paul looks at her, glances at me, and then takes her hand in his, and raises it to his mouth. He places a soft kiss on the top of her hand and lets his lips linger a while on her creamy skin. I glance away and look at Kate's face. She's blushing, which I find somehow incredibly absurd.

"I am Paul."

"Hi," Kate says nervously while moving closer to Paul. Then she looks at me, and smiles. "Jesse, you never told me about Paul." When she says his name, she pats his forearm, and he looks at her, his eyes lighting up.

"I am very sorry," I apologize and then the ding of the elevator delivering us to our floor saves me. The three of us step off of the elevator and I lead the way to CeeCee's room.

Behind me, Kate and Paul are conversing, and out of consideration, I try not to listen to their conversation. When I arrive at CeeCee's door, I knock, and Stephen answers a second later, a spoon in one hand and a pint of ice cream in the other.

I usher Paul and Kate in, and then before I can step over the threshold, someone says my name. After turning around, I regret it instantly.

"It is you!" Lauren squeals and bounds over to me. She pulls me into a hug and I resist the urge to throw up into her hair. She smells like expensive perfume, but all I can smell is the alcohol, which was on her the last time I saw her. "What are you doing here?" She asks while poking my chest.

I do my best to be polite and smile down at her, "I'm here to visit a friend."

"She's one lucky girl," Lauren says almost angrily.

"She is just a friend," I hear myself say. I look around, trying to see a way to escape. The door has clicked in its place, and I am locked out. The hallway lights hurt my tired eyes and I sigh.

"How are you?" Lauren says while placing a hand on mine. I pull away slightly, not being able to overcome our last encounter.

"Dandy," I spit out one of Susannah's favorite sarcastic replies and step back away from Lauren.

Suddenly I am saved when I hear the door behind me click open.

"Jesse?" Kate says, "What are you doing out here?" I glance behind me and see her eyes widen as she sees Lauren. Kate rushes past me and stops right in front of Lauren. There is no way to communicate to her. I cannot tell her to stop what she is thinking of doing without sounding like a complete lunatic.

"Are you okay?" Lauren asks me, while shoving her hand through Kate to reach me. At this, Kate gets infuriated and glares at Lauren. Then Lauren shivers and suddenly trips on nothing at all. Kate stands over Lauren and laughs a little.

"Stay the fuck away from him," Kate says calmly and glances over her shoulder to me. Her eyes order me to get into the room, and I follow them.

"I have to go," I say as some sort of parting word to Lauren and then get the hell into the room.


	15. Failure in Shadowland

AN: OMG! It's been so long, and I'm truly sorry for the wait I've put you all through. It was not intentional. It's just been so hard to write fiction lately…personal issues…poems come easier at the moment, but that's another story. Hope this doesn't suck. It's late, and if I've fucked up anywhere, don't point it out. I'll check it out later, when I'm not so dead on my ass. (If only laptops served as a pillow too…) Might even change what completely happens in this chapter…you never know.

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Chapter 14

I lean up against the door, overly breathing by just a bit. Counting my lucky stars at my escape, I glance over at Kate who materializes in front of me.

"Thank you," I say with a smile to her.

"No prob." Kate says with a wicked smile. "That was fun!" Then Slater comes into the room, and looks from Kate to me. Kate continues, unaware that Paul is now in our presence. "So Jesse, how come you never mentioned Paul before? He's really nice. And charming. And gentlemanly. And cute." I try not to laugh or gag at the same time.

My eyes widen and I glance over Kate's shoulder to Paul's face. A smug look crosses over his face, but then some kind of adoration replaces it and I knit my eyebrows.

"Jesse?" Kate questions me the same time Slater clears his throat. A horrified look crosses over Kate's already crimson face. After two seconds, she turns around and looks at Paul. "Oh hi, Paul!" She cheers with a smile on her face. I smile at the back of her head, amazed that she recovered that quickly. "I just saved Jesse from this God-awful wench!" Kate boasts while stepping towards Paul a little.

He smirks his signature smirk and then remarks, "I've found that Jesse always needs some kind of saving." I want to protest, to say something nasty to him, but I figure I should be the bigger person if I want to make this work and get Susannah back.

I raise my eyebrows at him and he gives me a blank stare. I walk past them both and out of the room. Before I am out of earshot, I hear Slater make Kate giggle. Shaking my head at the absurdity of it all, I look around the enormous hotel room for CeeCee or Stephen.

After a minute or two, I find both of them out on the balcony. CeeCee's fingertips are strumming against the keys of her laptop, while Stephen is hovering over her shoulder, telling her where to go.

"Stephen!" CeeCee snaps slightly. "I know how to get around the Internet! I'm not incompetent. Jeez."

Stephen sits back, shocked and confused. "I didn't mean to. I know you're not incompetent," he says as if he's groveling. CeeCee turns around to say something to him, when she sees me.

"Jesse!" She squeals and urges me over to where they are sitting. "Stephen and I were just looking up some info."

"We're trying to find out anything that'll lead to what happened to Suze's soul when you exorcised her," Stephen clarifies.

I shake my head at the recent memory. I still cannot believe that I actually exorcised Susannah's soul. How could I do such a thing to someone I'm supposed to love so immensely?

As if reading my mind, CeeCee puts a hand on my forearm. "It's not your fault you exorcised the wrong soul. You just weren't sure of what you were doing." She pauses and continues to look up at me. "No one thinks that you would ever do something like this to Suze intentionally. And she'll still love you when we get this put right." CeeCee smiles up at me optimistically and I almost believe her.

"Are you certain?" I ask her, furrowing my brow.

"Definitely," CeeCee chimes.

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After watching Stephen and CeeCee playfully fight over which website to search first, I sigh and shove my head into my hands, not able to watch the screen of CeeCee's computer any longer. About ten more minutes pass, and I listen to CeeCee and Stephen swap ideas. It's like I'm not even there. I am to no use of anyone. My skills are limited to only making things worse.

Suddenly, I yearn for Susannah's hot breath against my skin, her lips on mine, the tips of her fingers running themselves through my hair. I sigh again and look up from my hands and out into the world. From the balcony I can see a sliver of the bay and a great big, blue sky. The city is buzzing softly below us and I watch a man and a woman ride along each other on bikes.

"Hello CeeCee," I hear Paul say suddenly from the entranceway onto the small balcony.

CeeCee spins around in her chair in alarm, almost knocking Stephen over in the process and glares at Slater. Then she turns to me, and asks, "What is he doing here?"

I let out a small sigh and reply, "He's here to help."

"How'd you find him?"

"Shadowland," Paul answers for me with a smile in CeeCee's direction.

"Shadowland?" Stephen asks his eyebrows knit and a confused look on his face.

"A plane of existence where shifters can go," Paul says without offering anything else.

"And ghosts," I add.

"So," Stephen says, just to make sure that he has things right, "Shifters and ghosts can 'go' to this Shadowland?"

Paul and I both nod. I glance at Kate, whose standing really close to Paul with a look of complete giddiness on her face. Looking away while trying to hold in a chuckle, I look over at CeeCee who has been oddly quiet.

"Paul," CeeCee addresses him.

"CeeCee."

"Ghosts…" She begins and trails off.

"Yes?" Paul asks her while looking at her intently knowing that she might be on to something.

"Ghosts are the souls of the dead, right?" She asks and Paul looks down at her like she has said something stupid. However he goes along with it by nodding his head. "And when you and Suze go to this Shadowland, your bodies stay here on this plane?" Paul nods again.

CeeCee falls silent for a second, trying to think.

"What's she getting at?" Kate asks Paul and he shrugs his shoulders.

"So if," CeeCee goes on, "Jesse exorcised Suze's soul, then maybe it was sent to Shadowland. Isn't that where Jesse went when your brother exorcised him as a ghost?"

I shiver at the memory and then remember how Susannah had exorcised herself to come and get me, and how Paul had almost let his brother and my Susannah die there.

"CeeCee," Paul says while leaning onto the balcony a little, his eyes narrowed at her, "Are you saying that Suze's soul is meandering around Shadowland?"

CeeCee nods strongly, as if Paul hadn't just said something in his most condisending voice.

Then Stephen speaks up, while placing a hand on CeeCee's shoulder. "You know, she might be right. Since Suze is a 'shifter' her soul might be treated differently than other souls." He turns to me, "The demon told you that her soul was now doing the 'limbo', right?"

I nod and Kate gasps at the realization.

"Suze's soul is in Shadowland," Paul says as if to test it out. "Do you know how large Shadowland is, Cee?" CeeCee shrugs her shoulders, "And how pray tell do you expect me to know that, Paul?"

Paul shakes his head, like he' disgusted with her naivety. "I will be up there searching forever," he states.

"Then you might as well get started," CeeCee says with a edge in her tone. Paul narrows his eyes even more at CeeCee and doesn't do anything for a moment.

"If you won't do it, Slater, then I will," I say while getting up and looking him square in the eyes.

"Calm down, de Silva, I'll do it," Paul says slowly while looking from me to CeeCee to Stephen and then he turns around and looks at Kate. "I'll go now."

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I stare at Paul's body lying on the couch for a second and then look back over to the TV. CeeCee thought that I looked like I needed some down time; so I am sitting here in an uncomfortable chair, watching something ridiculous on the television. It would be something that Susannah would like. CeeCee told me it was called a Soap Opera, although I have yet to find any connection to soap or opera. They are neither cleansing themselves nor singing.

I glance over at Kate, who is sitting down on the couch next to Slater's limp body (even when he is unconscious he remains the king of his domain), enthralled in whatever is going on in the soap opera. CeeCee and Stephen have run out to the library to look up some stuff that they claimed could not find on the World Wide Web. Bored, I get up and walk into the other room and begin to pace about. I want to know if Paul's found her yet, or if he's even trying. _Dios_ knows I do not trust Slater, not with my life, nor Susannah's.

Glancing around the room, I see a small refrigerator and walk over to it. Opening it, I find a bottle of water and grab it. Ripping off the top, I find I'm suddenly overwhelmingly thirsty. Gulping water, I down the whole bottle in less than a minute. When I stop, I glance back down at the bottle and then chuck into the trashcan by my feet. Snatching another one, I hear someone call my name.

"Jesse?" Kate calls from the other room with some urgency in her voice. I re-enter the room quickly and see that Paul is groaning on the couch and clutching his head with his hands.

"Slater!" I say while rushing over to him and handing him the bottle of water. "Did you find her?" I'm so anxious; I'm right in his face, demanding if he found Susannah or not.

Paul continues to groan and my questions are left unanswered. I begin to fume. Kate pulls me away from Slater's face, and says, "Let him be for a minute, Jesus Jesse." She returns to Slater's side and opens the bottle of water for him. "Are you okay?" She asks him after he's drank half the bottle in one swallow. He nods his head lazily and then cringes at the light filtering into the room through the blinds.

"Close them," he says strongly. I go to shut them, but with a 'swoosh' they're closed, and I see Kate looking at Paul attentively. After watching Kate tend to Slater for a minute or two, I return to Slater's side and wait for him to tell me about what happened.

"I didn't find her," he says solemnly, reading my mind. "I'm sorry. I couldn't stand to be up there any longer." He sits up and finishes the last of the water. "When I go there to just think, I just sit or pace, but searching, running, and going through doors takes it out of you." He collapses back into the sofa, and Kate sits gingerly beside him.

I keep my disappointment to myself and walk into the other room, before I yell at him for not trying hard enough. _He tried; and he's not done yet. He'll try again, soon…_


	16. Lost and Found

Chapter 15

CeeCee and Stephen return from the library with two books and an armload of ice cream. When I look at her with surprise, she just shrugs and says, "We had cravings."

Stephen takes the books and walks over to Paul who is sitting out on the balcony, talking on his cell phone. I help CeeCee dish up the ice cream, while Kate stands by idly, watching us.

"_God_, I used to love ice cream," Kate says to me and I glance over my shoulder at her.

I look back at CeeCee who is slipping a spoon-full of the homemade ice cream into her mouth. A look of pure love washes over CeeCee's face. "Oh my God," she says while opening her eyes and settling them on me. She smiles, "This is the best stuff ever." I smile over at CeeCee and hear Kate snort and then walk out of the room.

We finish dishing out the ice cream and take the bowls out onto the balcony.

"When are you going to check for Suze again," Stephen asks Paul when we hand them their ice cream.

"Tonight," Paul answers curtly. I can tell he is not impressed with Stephen the demon hunter. "So how is that you fell into your line of work?"

Stephen takes a bite of ice cream and nods his head. "When I was little I would see these things. At first I thought they might be ghosts, but when I was finally old enough to figure it out, I bumped into the old priest from my San Diego private Catholic school. I had only attended up until sixth grade, and he had always been on the look out for me. When I was a senior in high school, I took a spring break with my friends down to LA. There I bumped into Father Kane, and we began talking. He had always known I could see them, but he thought that maybe I had grown out of it.

"After I graduated I moved back to San Diego and had Father Jane teach me all he could. I've even been over to the Vatican to be blessed by the pope. Our line of work is very secret, and not a lot of people know that demons can actually break through onto this existence, or even exist." Stephen stops and puts another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. He moans and looks over at CeeCee. "God, Cee, this is really good!"

CeeCee smiles at Stephen, and says, "See! I told ya so!" Paul snorts and Kate says something unkind under her breath and Paul looks over at her with a smile. I just eat my ice cream wondering how I could have let Susannah's soul slip right through my fingers.

We sit out on the balcony tossing around ideas, swapping jokes, and talking about our various powers. When it begins to turn dark, Paul claims that he I going to try to find Susannah again and heads off for the couch. CeeCee and Stephen collect the bowls and go into the bathroom to wash them off. I sit out on the balcony alone for a while, since Kate has gone with Paul with the promise to watch over his body while he's gallivanting around Shadowland.

Suddenly I feel my cell phone vibrating, and I take it out of my pocket. Clicking it on, I say, "Hello?"

"Dude!" It's Kirk.

"Hi Kirk," I say trying to mask my sadness with an upbeat façade.

"You, me, party," he says loudly and I can almost hear the smile on his face.

"Tonight?" I ask him.

"Cha!" I smile and shake my head at his absurdity.

"I can't. Not tonight. I'm busy tonight," I hear myself saying into the phone.

"What could you possibly be doing that is so damned important?" Kirk asks of me.

I sigh, and then glance up when I hear my name screamed from within the hotel room. "I'm sorry, Kirk, I must go. I will talk to you later, yes?" I don't even wait for an answer. Instead I jump up and run into the room. On the couch, Paul is sitting, panting. When he realizes I'm in the room he looks up at me and says urgently, "I found her."

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"She was walking around in an alternative universe," Paul tells me, while Kate is perched on the couch right next to him.

"Alternative universe?" My brows knit together with confusion.

"Like another place, another time." I nod my head, but still am too happy to hear that he has found mi querida.

I look around the room, for some reason thinking that he would have brought Susannah back with him. "Where is she?" I ask him, yearning to touch my Susannah once more.

Paul shakes his head with an aggravated sigh. "I can't bring her back onto this plane. She isn't dead. She's not the soul of a ghost, so she does not belong on the plane without a body. We have to find the demon first."

"How are we going to do that?" Kate asks. Paul and I glance over at her.

"I don't know. Stephen is supposed to be the demon expert. Let him tell us how," Paul says and sinks into the back of the couch.

"I'll go get him," I say at once and then stride into the other room. I look around the bedroom, not seeing them anywhere. _They couldn't have gone anywhere_, I think and then I hear a giggle from within the bathroom.

Walking closer to the closed bathroom door, I hear heavy breathing and…is that kissing? Kate pops up right next to me, saying, "You find hi—"She pauses and listens. Then she disappears before I can tell her not to.

Only a second later, Kate materializes in front of me. "Don't worry Jesse," she says with a smile. "They're only kissing." I sigh and then she adds, "But not for long." With a wicked smile, Kate walks out of the room and back to Paul.

I knock on the door swiftly before convincing myself otherwise. I hear CeeCee gasp and some ruckus, but in only half a minute, a both disheveled CeeCee and Stephen walk out of the bathroom. CeeCee has a small smile on her lips, while Stephen is trying to keep his hands from fidgeting…to get to CeeCee again, no doubt.

"J-J-Jesse," CeeCee stutters while her white cheeks blush a pretty pink.

"Paul found her," I say bluntly, not wanting to waste time on uncomfortable explanations.

CeeCee gasps and a hands flies up to her mouth. "Really? In Shadowland? Oh my Gawd!" Then she looks around the room. "Well?" She asks me, her eyebrows raised in question.

I stare at her blankly. "Where is she, Jesse?" CeeCee asks me, while Stephen fails to keep his hands off of her, and goes to fix the strap of her shirt that has slipped off of her shoulder.

"She's still in Shadowland. Apparently, since Susannah is not a ghost, she needs a body to come back to this plane. So we need to find the demon—"

"—So we can exorcise it and get Suze's body empty so her soul can slip from Shadowland back into her body and into this plane," Stephen fills in for me.

"And how are we going to find the demon?" CeeCee asks Stephen while turning to him and looking up at him with her violet eyes.

"Watch the news."

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Only two minutes later we are all sitting on various pieces of furniture in front of the television, watching the news.

"Why exactly are we doing this?" CeeCee asks Stephen while glancing away from the TV to his profile.

"We need to keep a look out for crimes. They might just be everyday crimes, but usually when a demon gets freedom, they go all out. Murder, rape, vandalism, you know, the usual." Stephen's eyes stay glued to the TV and I glance over at Paul. He look over at me, and I can tell he thinks this is all a waste of time. Thinking along the same lines, I cock my head to the balcony and we both get up and walk out of the room, leaving Kate with CeeCee and Stephen.

"What's up de Silva?" Paul asks while flopping into a chair. I sit down beside him and look out.

"Is she…? I trail off, not wanting to sound pathetic to a man who would use it against me whenever he could.

"Suze is fine. She was consciously watching everything the demon did while it was in her body, but she couldn't fight it out of her. Suze told me that the last thing she remembers doing alone was crying…"

Pain stabs my heart with the thought of Susannah crying.

"I think," Paul continues, "That the demon used her moment of weakness as a way to infiltrate her being. Why though I'm not sure…"

There is silence between us for a moment while we both think. Then I say, "And why would she seek out Stephen? Specifically a demon hunter? One would think that a demon would stay away from someone who could send it back to Hell, yes?"

"You got me, Jesse," Paul says with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Jesse! Paul!" CeeCee yells at us from inside. "Come here, quick!"

Paul and I barrel into the room and stare at the TV. There is a fuzzy picture of someone stabbing a priest in the parking lot of a grocery store. I gasp when I realize that it's Susannah—her ponytail jerking around her body violently with each stab of the knife.

The announcer states, "The perpetrator has yet to be identified, but Father Kane of Saint Peter's Catholic School in San Diego was identified by the paramedics. He was stabbed three times at nine o'clock tonight. Father Kane died at nine-thirteen tonight. California has indeed lost someone who offered everyone he came in contact with something special." She offers the last sentence in what she hopes to be a sincere voice, but to me it just sounds cold and detached.

The station flips over to commercials and all is silent within the room except for someone claiming that Jiffy Peanut Butter is so yummy. All eyes are on Stephen, who is still staring at the TV screen as though the news is still on.

"Stephen…" CeeCee ventures softly while putting a hand on his shoulder and scooting closer to his side on the couch.

He doesn't say anything, but rather gets up and walks into the bedroom and lets the door close behind him.

"Oh dear," CeeCee says looking at the closed door of the bedroom. "What should we do Jesse?" She looks from the door to me expectantly.

"Wait for him to decide on the plan of action," I say with a stern look to Slater.

"I think you're right," Paul says while shrugging his shoulders. "Only Stephen knows how to deal with demons. None of us know the procedure." I glance at Paul surprised and he just shrugs again, his eyes hiding his hurt ego.


	17. Guilt

Chapter 17

Stephen and I continue driving down back roads and up alleyways. After another hour, I hear sirens behind us.

"Turn around!" I holler, as if he isn't right next to me. "Sirens! Back there!" Stephen screams to a halt and tears the car around in the small road we're on. He speeds towards the wailing and we find ourselves facing an animal pound. The alarms are blaring and Stephen jumps out of the car, when he sees a shadow pass right in front of us.

"Halt!" I hear Stephen yell in Latin when I jump out of the car too. The prey turns around in the dark and stares at the approaching hunter. Its eyes glow red and dart from Stephen to me. I can smell its stench from five yards away.

Then without warning, the demon darts away into the darkness. With a curse, Stephen shoots off after him, and I follow. Blind in the dark, I pound my way through brush and follow the sounds of Stephen yelling things in Latin. I don't catch much of it, but the few snippets I understand, sounds like it is from some sort of sermon. Confused, I barrel through and stop when I see Stephen pounding the demon's face.

"Stop!" I yell, for a second being tricked by the skin the demon is crawling around in. Stephen refuses to stop, but continues beating Susannah's face in. It pains me to see her being beaten into the ground, but then I look closer and her face isn't even being hit; Stephen has somehow brought the demon's true being out of Susannah's body and is punching it over and over again, while it hovers a little over _mi querida's_ body. I watch from a distance, while Stephen continues to bash the demon's being. The demon is hissing in Latin, but quivering under the fist of Stephen. Continuing to say his 'sermon' in Latin, Stephen suddenly stops punching the demon's shaking form and digs into his pocket for something. There's splashing sound, and the demon is screeching and trying to cover it's face with it's arms, which are pinned down by Stephen.

The demon stops squirming underneath Stephen, and then looks from Stephen to me, and says calmly in English, "From Hell He shall rise and then, then each and everyone of you who oppose him will be treated with the same respect you have shown me." Then the demon's form shatters into what seems like a million pieces.

Sighing loudly, Stephen gets up off of Susannah's still body and looks at me. I go over and pick her up, cherishing the feeling of safety over her body now. I glance down at her dirty face, and wish that her eyes would open and I could see her green, exotic pools of passion. Stephen and I walk back to the car, and when we hear the faint sounds of other sirens speeding towards us over the screaming of the animal pounds' own sirens, I jump into the car, with Susannah still in my arms.

We bolt from the scene and speed our way back to Stephen's apartment.

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"You guys actually pulled it off," Paul says while Stephen and I walk into his apartment and I clutch Susannah to me.

"Of course they pulled it off, Slater!" CeeCee squeals and then bounds over to Stephen and plants a huge kiss on his mouth. Paul looks away disgusted, while I just stare at them in shock.

"Well, thank you…" Stephen says shyly to CeeCee, whose grin is intoxicating. Kate rolls her eyes and I stay silent, still in the doorway with Susannah in my arms.

"We had better get Suze back in her body now. It's going to take a while, and we will need to go back to De Silva's house to do it. You do remember exactly where you exorcised her, right?" Paul eyes me from his leaning position against the wall opposite of me.

"Yes, I do, Paul," I reply and then begin to walk out of the door. CeeCee and Stephen go in his car, while Paul, Kate, and I drive over in Paul's car. Kate sits up in front, while I hold Susannah in the back with me. She's so cold and bruised up pretty badly. The demon must have had a hell of a time in her body. I feel torn—torn between wanting to go down to Hell myself and punish the demon and stay here to protect Susannah. My protection wins out in the end, and I pull her limp body against my chest, as if my own body heat will warm my freezing _querida_.

Kate and Paul are chatting it up in the front seat, but I don't listen. Instead I stare down at my Susannah, re-learning her face. Her hair is messy and there are streaks of dirt all down her arms and face. The bottom of her shirt is ripped, and for the first time I notice a red stain on the stomach of her shirt. Shifting it up to reveal her stomach to me, I see a gash on Susannah's stomach that is slowly bleeding out.

"Shit," Paul says from the front seat. "What happened to Simon, there?" I glance in the review mirror and see Paul looking at me.

"I don't know, but it looks like it could be a possible threat. Infection could have already occurred," I say while looking back at the gash that looked as if it had been made with a knife. It certain looks bad, and wafting the smell, I can tell that without proper cleaning, it will soon get seriously infected. "Once we get Susannah back into her body, we will need to take her to a hospital for this wound."

"This resurrection is going to take a while, Rico," Paul shoots back to me, as if I should have known. Only a minute later, Paul pulls into my apartment complex and parks his car. Kate just stands up right through the car door, and then opens mine for me. I get out and then gently pick up Susannah's body and place her firmly against my chest once more. I lead Kate and Paul to my apartment, and when I open my door, I jump back in surprise.

"Jesse!" Peter says loudly and then looks down at Susannah's still body in my arms.

"We couldn't find the damn demon anywhere," Michael says to my while they back up to let us into the room. "We've been searching the whole city, and then Peter thought that we should go to the police station. We came to find you when we had heard about a stabbing, hospital kill, and a pound."

"Where'd you find her?" Peter asks me while CeeCee and Stephen come into my apartment.

"Stephen here exorcised, I think, the demon out of her body right by the animal pound." Stephen looks at CeeCee weird, wondering who I'm talking to. "Ghosts," CeeCee mouths back to him. I ignore him and walk into the kitchen, the broken table is still in the middle of the small room, and I carefully place Susannah right where I had placed her before. Paul enters the room and takes it in.

"Do we need anything special?" I ask him, thinking along the lines of candles or a bible.

"No, just me," Paul replies and then circles the room slowly. "I can only have Jesse in the apartment with me. CeeCee, Stephen, you guys need to leave. We'll call you once we've gotten Suze back into her body. Kate, guys, I'll need you guys to keep all ghosts out of the vicinity. If they get in the way, then their souls will be sucked into Suze's body." I knit my eyebrows and look at Paul quizzically. "And that," Paul continues, "is not what we need."

When Paul and I are alone in the room, Paul stops circling the room and then looks from Susannah's body to me, standing over her. "Jesse, you can stay in the room, but you need to keep your distance." Paul points to the corner of the room and with one last look at Susannah I go to it. "I'm shifting to Shadowland to tell Suze the good news about her body. Then I'm coming back. You need to stay there, even when I'm not here. Suze's body needs to be untouched for a while for this to work. So stay away." Then Paul lies down on the kitchen floor, his chest rising and falling, then it falls and does not rise again for quite some time.

While Paul is gone, all I can do is stare at Susannah's body, thinking about the bleeding wound, getting worse and worse by the second. Paul should be hurrying up, something serious could happen to Susannah. I glance over in his body's direction again. He looks catatonic, and almost peaceful. I stare at his face, feeling a weird feeling wash over me. I had never noticed how much pain and stress were hidden in the brow of his face. I knit my own eyebrows in recollection about the days where Paul and I would fight over Susannah so.

I'm remembering all the times I saved my dear querida, all the details, the way she felt under my protection, the way she seemed to be annoyed but grateful at the same time. I cannot believe that I have failed her this time…this time I was unable to save her, and I feel the utmost guilt for it. None of this would have happened if I hadn't gone out to Washington. I would have been here to keep an eye on Susannah; and more importantly, I would have realized something war wrong before it could have became like this…horrible.

Paul suddenly sits up and coughs a little.

"Whew," he says while standing up carefully and brushing off his pants. Paul glances over at me in my corner and smiles what looks like a genuine smile.

"Well?" I ask him, anxious for some reason.

"Simon told me to tell you that she can't wait to get back on the plane of existence to beat the crap out of you for letting this happen to her." Paul lets out a bark of laughter, when he sees my face fall. "Nah, she was ecstatic about getting out of Shadowland." I visibly sigh and then glare at Slater for making me a fool. "Let's get this party started," Paul sings and then with one final smirk in my direction, he begins to chant.


	18. Losing Control

AN: Please don't kill me for not updating in a millennia. This chapter contains a present to make up for it.

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Chapter 18

I watch the whole thing happen. Paul chants a set of Latin words over and over and over again, while I stand in my corner, watching and waiting. Waiting for his chanting to end and for Susannah to rise and run over to me. My fingers are itching to touch Susannah. I fold my hands together so I do not feel tempted to rush to her side and graze her face with my fingertips. _Dios_. I'm away from her for only a moment, and I'm yearning for her touch. Her skin on my skin. Her breath caressing my neck.

Stopping myself, before I jump off a cliff, I continue to watch as Paul stands there over Susannah's body and chants. It's kind of getting annoying, the chanting, but I bite my tongue. As long as my Susannah comes back to me in the end, I will put up with anything right now. My gaze flickers over to Susannah's lifeless body lying on my kitchen floor. Suddenly, Susannah's body begins to rise from the floor, and I stifle a gasp of amazement.

I want to cry out to Paul. I want to ask him if it's working; if she is supposed to be doing that. But somehow the words do not form in my mouth. I stop trying after a moment, and just watch as _mi querida's_ body floats above the tiled floor. She is glowing an odd golden color and her body looks graceful in the air. I glance over at Paul, who is staring at Susannah's suspended body and still chanting.

Then, Paul stops chanting and Susannah's body jerks in the air and then collides with the floor. My first instinct it to run to her side, to comfort her, to make sure she is not hurt. However, I cannot move, and when I look over to Paul questioningly, I see that he is holding up his hand, which in turn is not allowing me to rush to _mi querida_. I growl, not understanding why the _hijo de puta_ is keeping me from her.

"Wait," I hear Paul whisper to me, while he continues to stare at Susannah. I forget him and concentrate on Susannah. Her body still lies unmoving on the floor. I feel defeat creeping over me. _Joder!_ When I fear that all hope is lost, I take the fading of Susannah's golden glow as a horrible sign. I cannot bear to watch as I fail to save the love of my life, but at the same time I seem to not be able to take my gaze off of her immobile, beaten body.

I glance away for a moment, the pain of losing her too much to handle in one second. In that small moment, I hear coughing and I turn back to Susannah immediately. It is her coughing, and I feel the hold over my body gone. I rush to her side and without thinking, pick her up and hold her close to my chest, never wanting to let her go again.

I'm blubbering away in Spanish, when I hear Susannah's voice, "Jesse." I hold her away from my chest and look down at her.

"Susannah."

"I love you."

"I love you too, _querida_."

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Paul calls everyone back to my apartment, while I help Susannah clean up in the bathroom.

"God," Susannah says disgusted, "I look icky."

"You look beautiful," I correct her while brushing my hand through her hair. When it sticks she yelps and pulls away from me. "So," I say with a burst of laughter, "you could use a shower."

"Duh." Susannah looks at me, her eyes alive and stunning. I wish to drown myself in them and never come up for air again. "What? Is there something hideous on my face?"

"I'm sorry," I blurt out.

"Sorry? Jesse, for what?"

"For leaving you. For going to Washington for my own gain. For not telling Marc no. For everything," I say quickly and then rush into many apologies in Spanish. Susannah puts a finger to my lips to shush me and looks at me longingly.

"Jesse, none of this is your fault. I'm a mediator; shit happens to me all the time. This is nothing out of the ordinary, _you_ should know that," she says nonchalantly.

I want to chide her for writing this off on her gift, but on some level she is right. However, I will never let her know that. Even if she is right, that does not erase my guilt. I'm Catholic, I must confess tomorrow. Susannah presses a kiss to my cheek and then pulls away before I can pull her into me.

"I'm stinky," Susannah says immaturely while fanning her nose. Then before I can say anything of opposition, she begins to strip of her torn clothing. I immediately turn around, but not before I get a glimpse of her extremely dangerous and lusciously creamy skin.

"Jesse?" I feel the soft pads of her fingers on my forearm. I don't dare turn towards her -- for fear that I won't be able to control myself. "Jesse, this is silly," Susannah states with a small huff. "I'm still in my bra and underwear." I still do not turn around; I cannot.

Susannah's hand slips from my arm and for a moment, I think she is upset with me, but I still do not turn around. Then I feel her arms wrap around my torso. It's almost as if I forgot what Susannah's touch felt like. And before I know it, her hands are splayed on the planes of my stomach and I shiver for control. I'm biting the inside of my lip and fighting the devil of lust, tooth and nail. _Keep it together_, I tell myself and hear myself mutter softly in Spanish. Susannah's nimble fingers dance their way up my sides and take my shirt with them. Suddenly, I'm half naked and her hands are already on my waist.

"Susannah!" I exclaim while turning around in her embrace and looking down at her. She's completely naked. And although she has that nasty looking gash, she is beautiful. I stare at her, completely enthralled in the images that are going through my mind. I can feel myself yearning to touch her, wash her, ravish her. My legs suffer from a slight chill, and I look down, realizing that Susannah has rid me of my pants and boxers. "_Nombre de Dios_!" I exclaim and bend down to retrieve my pants, but Susannah stops me.

"No, Jesse." I look up at her, wanting to tell her that she needs to relax first, but she kisses me before I can find the words.

Her lips enchant me, melding against mine perfectly, and taking my breath away. She pulls her body away from my grasp, but leads me towards her with her lips. I register the sound of the shower starting, but am too far fallen to really know what is going on. All I know is that Susannah is kissing me. I step into the shower, following Susannah's tongue, dancing with mine.

The scolding water startles me, but I continue to let Susannah have her way with my tongue. She brings us under the water and her hands scrub soap onto our bodies. I take the soap from Susannah's hands and massage her pliable body deeply with my fingers. She moans and pushes her body against the wall, out from underneath the stream of the showerhead. I take her shoulders with my hands and pull her against me, under the hot water, and capture her lips with mine. Wrapping her hands around my neck, I lift her up and wrap her legs around my waist. She's panting when I pull away from her. I look down at her and in her eyes I see the love mixed with the lust. Susannah pulls my head towards her lips again and I let her take my tongue with hers and do as she pleases.

Our bodies slide against each other, and I struggle to maintain control over myself as well as keep Susannah from falling from my grasp. I decide to push her back up against the tiled wall of the shower and hold her underneath her bottom. She tightens her grip around my waist and pulls away from our kiss.

"Please, Jesse," she whispers while playing with my soaking hair. Her chest heaves quickly against mine, and I loose all control, letting myself slip into her soul.

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I make Susannah sit still on the toilet seat, so I am able to dress her gash. It's clean, because we spent a good amount of time in the shower, but it still needs to be sterilized. I tell her this when she whines.

"You don't want it to get infected, do you?" I ask and she rolls her eyes up at me in answer. "That's what I thought." I unwrap a bandage and quickly put it on the tender skin of her stomach. My fingers brush against the creaminess, and I feel my control slipping. Susannah shivers and looks up at me. I turn away and begin to put the bandages and antibacterial cream into the medical cabinet. Hearing Susannah shift on the seat, I turn to her, making sure she is all right.

I watch her grimace and put her fingers lightly on her bare stomach. I lean closer to her and lean down looking at it. It seems fine. Before I can ask her if she is in any pain, her lips are on mine and her fingers are running through my wet hair. Susannah pulls me closer to her, and I feel myself fall into her. However, when her hands begin to bring up the bottom of my shirt, I pull away from her breathless.

"We can't," I tell the floor, still trying to catch my breath.

"We just did," Susannah says while bringing my chin up so I'll look her in the eye.

"I know," I say remembering the way being inside of her had felt.

"Then why not again?" She asks.

"Because," I say not fully knowing my best excuse to wait until we have a bed. I hear the front door open and CeeCee's high-pitched voice call out for Susannah. "CeeCee's here," I finish lamely, but Susannah's eyes light up.

"CeeCee's here?" She asks as if not believing me. I nod and Susannah gets up quickly, searching for the shirt I had brought for her. She slides it on, covering her luscious shoulders. It's one of my Oxfords. She attempts to button it up, but fails. I can tell she's anxious to see CeeCee, so I quickly go to her, buttoning up the shirt slowly, just to torture her.

"Jesse!" querida whines while shifting her feet; she's just itching to get out that door and fly into CeeCee's arms.

"All in good time, Querida," I whisper into her ear and then kiss her softly, while still buttoning the shirt up. My hand brushes against her bare chest and Susannah inhales sharply.

"I thought you said, not now!" She cries out softly while her body arches for my touch.

"You're right," I say while kissing the base of her neck and then finish the last button and step away from her.

"No fair!" Susannah says while huffing and pouting her lips.

"Come on, _querida_," I laugh while grabbing her hand and leading her out of the bathroom.

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"SUZE!" CeeCee cries out when we come out of the bathroom and step into the living room.

"CeeCee!" Susannah smiles back and gallops into her friend's arms. I walk after her and sit down on the couch, folding my arms across my chest.

"I was so scared like the _whole_ time," CeeCee says while grasping Susannah tightly on the arm. "But Stephen was so nice and helpful!" CeeCee beams her gaze at Stephen, who is staring at her from across the room.

"No problem…" Stephen mumbles while looking away from CeeCee and Susannah.

"No, no, no, no," Susannah says while going over to Stephen. "I'm sure I wouldn't be here, if it wasn't for you," she says while taking his hand in hers. I watch, trying to control myself from jumping up and knocking Stephen to the ground. "Thank you, for doing all you did, Stephen," Susannah says while leaning up on her tiptoes and placing a kiss high on his cheek. I'm up on my feet in less than a second and over by Susannah's side in a moment.

"Yes, we couldn't have done it without you." I say and put my hand on Susannah's arm and slightly pulling her away protectively.

"Although I hate to admit it," Paul steps in, "De Silva's right. I claim to know everything…but I don't."

"Aww, Paul, don't be hard on yourself or anything," Susannah says while fighting off giggles.

"Yeah, Paul, don't beat yourself up about it," CeeCee clutches to Stephen while doubling over laughing. Soon enough, the laughter is hard to stave off, so we all end up in a fit of extraneous giggles. I watch as Susannah and CeeCee have fun at Paul's expense, but he's laughing right along with them. He's changed. Really changed. At last, I feel at peace with him.

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AN: Forgive me?

Let me know what you thought about it. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, although the fluff makes me smile. :-P

Also, I'm not sure if I should end it like this or if you guys want more. So let me know!

--Sarah


	19. Epilogue

Epilogue

I awake abruptly from a deep sleep and quickly turn on the light next to my bed. My breath is labored as I frantically look around the room. She's not here. Was it all a dream? Have we still not saved her?

I'm on my feet in mere seconds, which is a mistake since the blood rushes to my head, and I get woozy. Blinking my eyes I make my way to the door of my bedroom. It's closed. I always keep it open. Grabbing for the doorknob, I feel it turn in my hand. I step far away from the door, unsure of what is going on. I feel silly as the fractions of the seconds pass me by. The door opens and in steps Susannah.

My chest, which I hadn't realized was so tight, relaxes with the sight of her.

"I didn't want to wake you," she says and steps into the room. I can smell her from where I am standing. She walks closer, with a small smile gracing her lips. "Are you okay, Jesse?" Her tone is suddenly tense, her voice tight in her throat. I look from her face to her shoulders, which have locked; her breath comes in short stabs. I can practically see the adrenaline pumping through her.

"It's alright, _Querida_. I'm right here; it is me." I step closer and embrace her tense body in a hug, while nuzzling her neck. She exhales and her muscles relax within my grasp.

"Hi," she mumbles into my hair. Her fingers tracing down my back.

"Hola," I reply while pulling away and placing a kiss chastely on her forehead. Susannah looks up at me with those emerald eyes I cannot resist. She gets upon her tiptoes and kisses me with her lusciously soft lips. We seem to melt together perfectly. It still amazes me to this day just how much love I can feel pulsing through us.

Stepping back from me, our lips part, and her eyes dodge my piercing gaze. She dances around me and jumps into my bed, her hair bouncing after her. I walk over to my bed and climb in next to her. Once we're settled, Susannah snuggles up to my side and wraps her body around mine. I pull her into me with my arm and she falls asleep while I whisper sweet Spanish nothings into her hair.

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I wake up again to the morning sun skimming across my eyelids. Before I open my eyes, I cherish the feeling of its warmth gracing my face and Susannah gracing my life. When I finally open my eyes, Susannah stirs beside me. I lay there in my bed, snuggled underneath the covers with my _querida_, for how long, I am unsure. I turn carefully onto my side, so that I can look at her face while she sleeps. Her lips are slightly parted, showing a sliver of her white teeth, the chestnut hair haphazardly thrown over the pillow and her beautiful face.

Taking a strand of the soft hair between my fingers, I pull it away from her face and gently tuck it back behind her ear. Again, I take another stray strand, but this time it tickles her face, and her eyes flutter slowly open. Instantly, Susannah smiles at me and brings a hand up to her face to rub the "sleepies" out of her eyes, she informs me.

"Good morning, _querida_," I say. Leaning over slightly, I kiss her forehead lightly. She beams up at me sleepily.

"I could sleep for a hundred years." I laugh at her exaggeration and lean over to kiss her neck.

"But then, Susannah, where would I be? Sleeping beside you is not enough for me for the rest of our lives."

"Is sleeping with me enough?" Susannah asks with a smirk. Memories of yesterday in the bathroom flood me and I feel a blush rise to my cheeks. I do not answer her, for neither answer would be right.

"What if we were to make love right now?" She whispers quietly into my ear and then nips the lobe before I can recollect a response. I inhale and my eyes dart from her eyes to her mouth. My tongue darts out to lick my lips and Susannah kisses my neck.

She leans up after nuzzling my neck and looks me straight in the eyes. "I love you, Jesse."

Her nakedness stuns me. Right here, in my arms, _mi querida_ has been stripped by her walls, and all because of her love for me. Me. Hector de Silva. What could I have possibly done that has been so spectacular to get such a gift as _mi querida_? Susannah's eyes never leave mine although she is emotionally naked in my embrace. She still has her courage to stand behind what she believes in: her love for me.

I know it sounds "crazy"…She has said, "I love you" to me before, and when she first said it I knew she meant it (as well as each time after that). But now, it is different somehow. It is as if there is a deeper meaning. She means it even more now. We're completely devoted to each other. I could never survive without her, and I would like to think that she would disappear without me. When it comes to my Susannah I become selfish. I do not wish to ever have her walk away from me and share herself, her soul, with anyone else like she has with me. I've got to hold on to her forever.

"Susannah—"

_DING DONG!_

Susannah's gaze flickers to the door and she smiles at me. "Visitors!" She jumps up off of the bed and runs to the door. When I do not follow her fast enough, she comes back and drags me out of my bed. We rush to the door and Susannah looks through the "peep hole" to see whom is visiting us.

"It's CeeCee!" She chimes while looking over her shoulder at me, and then steps back, right into me and pulls open the door with a "CeeCee!"

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Stephen and I are walking around the mall with CeeCee and Susannah.

"I can't believe we got them to drag us here," Stephen says dismally with a disgusted glance at me while we follow behind the giggling pair walking sexily in front of us.

Susannah looks back at his comment and smiles at us, "Oh shut up, Stephen. You'll like our next stop." When Susannah turns back around to talk to CeeCee, Stephen looks at me, and raises his eyebrows.

"Victoria's Secret!"

We arrive at CeeCee and Susannah's next destination in this "hell hole" (according to Stephen) and they walk right in. I glance at the displays and see the manikins scantily dressed. My eyes widen at the thought of Susannah wearing that, and I barge in to drag her out.

"Susannah," I say sternly and she turns around as I barrel towards her. I take her hand and attempt to pull her out of the store.

"Jesse, what the heck?" Susannah asks while trying to pull her hand out of mine.

"I will not have you dress like this." I wave my free hand around the store and shake my head. "This is not appropriate for you to wear, Susannah. I will not allow it!"

"Jesse, would you calm down?" She says calmly while yanking her hand from mine and pulling me into a secluded part of the store. "What the hell is going through your mind?"

"I cannot allow you to wear these revealing clothes in public!" I say a little louder than I should have.

She puts a finger roughly to my lips while glancing around the store for onlookers. "Jesse, honey," she says gently, as if she does not know how to say something to me. "These 'revealing clothes' are not meant to be worn in public—well maybe for a stripper, but then, she's only doing her job." Susannah pauses for a second pondering the thought and then plows on. "This is lingerie." When I don't comment, Susannah explains. "You know, they sexy stuff that I wear under my clothes for only you?"

My gaze slips around the room and looks at some of the displays. Black, pink, red. Lace and silk. Panties, bodices, bras.

I look at Susannah with wide eyes. "Oh."

"Yeah," Susannah exhales and rolls her eyes. "Gosh Jesse, way to think highly of me."

"I think very highly of you, Susannah. It is just, in my experience, when women get together with their friends they are different beings than they are with men."

"Jesse, you need to stop being so overprotective." Susannah states bluntly while squeezing my hands. "Do you want to help me pick out some stuff?" I just stare down at her, not able to comprehend the idea of me walking around this store with Susannah touching these articles of – can one even call them clothing?

"Surprise me," I simply say and place a gentle kiss upon her lips and walk out of the store without looking back.

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After we part with Stephen and CeeCee in the parking lot of the mall, I take Susannah to our place on the beach. We walk away from the crowds hand in hand. As the screaming kids disappear and the lapping of the waves caress our ears, I stop and we sit down in the sand, still hand in hand.

_Do it now, de Silva, or someone else will!_ I shake my head and try to get it together so I can ask her the biggest question I will have ever asked.

"Susannah," I begin while staring at Susannah's profile as she watches the sun dance upon the glistening water. Her head turns and suddenly those green emeralds are upon me. I find myself grasping for my train of thought as her lips begin to smile at me. When I do not continue, Susannah takes it upon herself to question me. "Jesse?"

"I wanted to ask you a question, Susannah."

"I wanted to ask you one, myself," she says while lifting her hand from mine and pushing it through my hair.

"Then I will allow you to go first, if you wish," I say in the exact words my mother told me to use when I was just a boy.

"Okay," Susannah says; she licks her lips and looks right at me. Her intensity startles me, and I begin to wonder just what her question may be. "Jesse," she repeats as if to buy herself time.

"Yes, _querida_?"

"Willyoumarryme?"

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AN: I believe this to be the end. I'm very appreciative for all my readers, and I hope you enjoyed the ride, because I know I definitely liked the challenges this story proposed – whether I chose to face them or not. I have an idea for yet another sequel, or at least a fluffy piece based on this.

Thanks again for all your comments, I like knowing what you guys are thinking (as does all the other writers on FF) when reading my stuff!

--Sarah


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